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BrittanyParticipantThank you Eliana and Anita, I appreciate the support and help through this. Thank you for sharing your story with me Eliana, I hope things continue to look up for you!
BrittanyParticipantThank you Eliana. I really appreciate your comment. I am glad to know that I am not the only one with this problem. I am curious though, have you been able to holder longer relationships? And when you started dating were you also scared?
Thank you!
Brittany
BrittanyParticipantI have seen a psychologist a while back for the diagnosis, and have been medicated for anxiety and depression for about 5 years now. Unfortunately, we never really had the money for me to have regular treatment, so I had went for a while when I was 13 and was never really able to go again. You are probably right with my anxiety being triggered with my parents poor relationship. My mom said they were good at hiding the problems from us since we were so young, but I was and still am very receptive to others feelings and emotions.
I want to add something else to this as well. When I was explaining my feelings to my mom I slowly started to figure out that I have this subconscious presumption about all men. I realize that some of my fear when on that date was (like I previously mentioned) “he’s looking at me in a sexual way.” Although my conscious self says “not all men are bad… women and men can be JUST friends…” my subconscious is saying “no, men only have sexual intentions.” Again, I am not saying this is true, nor want to believe that, but somehow my mind keeps coming back to that idea and stereotype. I figured that it might have something to with all the movies and television shows that have conditioned me to see relationships in that manner. I hope this helps thed some more light onto the issue.
I appreciate your help Anita!
-Brittany
BrittanyParticipantHi Anita,
Sorry for the lack of explanation, I didn’t want to ramble too much. So my parents divorced when I was too young to remember mostly because he was abusive to a certain degree toward my mom. After the divorce, my mom fought for full custody but I was forced to visit on scheduled dates and selected holidays. The crooks of the issue I think with this is that I have suffered a severe general/social anxiety disorder all of my life. So when I was young, I would have a hard time going to see him because my mom helped me stay (for lack of a better word) sane. We had a routine that would constantly be thrown off when I went to see him. So this made things difficult on my side of things. Because of my anxiety disorder, I tended to act much like a child with ADHD/ADD but I was able to sit still much longer. This might have been why it was hard for my Dad to understand me at a young age. There was also a point in my childhood where my father physically hurt (I’d rather not go into detail here). This emotionally scarred me for many years after. The rocky relationship had to do with the way we got along. So, he never knew that I had a problem, he just thought I was a problem child that needed to be disciplined. This harmed our relationship because he didn’t take the time to try and help me, he just got mad and I got mad.
I hope this helps clarify a few things. Thank you Anita!
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