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  • #383458
    canary
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    I don’t own any pets but I am such an animal person, I have lots of stuffed animals and cartoon idol shows that I watch when I feel upset.

    Thank you for all the suggestions I signed up for the free mental health courses and found many resources online as well as a support group.

    I talked to my mother about this and she told me that it was unintentional because she did not know what anxiety even was until I had told her about it. I’m also reading the book you mentioned right now.

    Thank you for responding and supporting me TeaK. I just have one question, do I need professional aid to manage my anxiety? By professional aid, I mean a therapist or counselor. Because when I had counseling at school, they would always tell me to go visit a therapist and once I did, it was too expensive and not beneficial for me. Do you think it’s possible for me to manage my anxiety by myself and without visiting a therapist?

    #383403
    canary
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    I don’t have anyone I can envision like that but when I feel anxious and afraid I like to think about my favourite animals. It makes me feel safer because I appreciate their beauty, love, and the fact that they are surviving too just like me.

    #383390
    canary
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    I’ve watched Therapy In A Nutshell and many other anxiety videos too! Do you have any book recommendations because I enjoy reading self help books.

    I think dealing with my anxiety alone is very scary. I don’t know who to talk to about this and who to ask for help when needed. I just feel very tired because I thought my anxiety was getting better but I feel a little lost again. I react out of anger because deep down I’m sad and afraid. I feel alone when I have to reassure myself, it feels scary. Thank you for talking to me about this I greatly appreciate it. I’m just afraid because I feel like I’m alone.

    #383381
    canary
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Yes. When I was having rough days with my depression and anxiety, I felt alone and helpless. Although I told my mother everything, she would support me and give me advice and understand my pain but it still felt lonely.</p>

    #383361
    canary
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    I agree she didn’t know better. I have 2 older siblings and I’m the youngest. My older siblings are one year apart so they had each other for support. I am the youngest and my parents decided that when I was born they would parent me better and I was the closest to my mother. My siblings grew up afraid because my father was strict and would yell a lot. My father didn’t yell at me as much but I learned to stand up for myself because of it.

    Honestly, I was given the most attention out of my siblings because I was the youngest and my parents wanted me to have a happy childhood.

    #383358
    canary
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    I don’t remember what she told me but I think she would tell me to not talk to the bully. I’m not exactly sure.

    I told my mother because I’m closer to her than my father because he would be at work and busy. But mainly because me and my mom have a close relationship.

    I don’t think my mom thought it was a big deal to tell my father about it.

    • This reply was modified 5 days, 12 hours ago by canary.
    #383356
    canary
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    My mother knew about the bullying from the girl but she did not do much she just gave me advice on how to handle it. Only my mother knew about the bullying in the 6th grade.

    #383334
    canary
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    I did not tell my parents about the incident that happened in the 4th grade.

    I told my mom about the incident that happened in the 5th grade and my mom would let me stay at home. She did not know what to do but she allowed me to skip school for that reason.

    #383303
    canary
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    I’m not sure if this was shyness or anxiety but in the Fourth grade (I was 9) my group partner had accidentally cut open his finger from velcro and was bleeding. I was too afraid to ask him if he needed a bandaid or if I could go tell a teacher. This is the earliest memory.

    In the fifth grade (I was 10), I was very shy and anxious. My teacher would always pick on me to answer in class (she would specifically pick on me because she thought I was shy and wanted me to get out of my shell) and I would get extreme anxiety. My anxiety was at its peak during that time, so I would skip school so I didn’t have to deal with that. I also had no friends in that class.

    In grade 6 I made a plan to make friends in my class, I did talk to people but I realized no one was interested in me. Until a new student came along and I talked to her and we became friends. A girl came between us and we had our own friend group. But that girl was making the new girl her best friend and she eventually formed a friend group that I was apart of but I wasn’t getting treated fairly by the girl. She bullied me and I felt alone. Near the end of the year I finally stood up for myself. I told them that they were being rude, I was so loud about it and then I ran away and cried.

    In 7th grade I reunited with my old friends and made a new best friend too. I was coming out of my shell and I remember not being very shy and anxious. This continued on into the 8th grade. But I was getting bullied and teased by boys in the other classes for my appearance.

    In highschool I was very shy and anxious, I had trouble making friends so I mostly kept in touch with my old friends. I only made two friends in highschool, one of them being my ex.

    I experience anxiety most days. Today I went grocery shopping and had major anxiety that I would bump into my ex. I also experience intrusive thoughts every single day. As well as existential anxiety and thoughts.

    I’m just not sure what to do about it anymore.

    #383294
    canary
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    You’ve blown me away by putting everything into words perfectly! I can’t explain how much sense this all makes to me when I read it. After the breakup, I was so confused about why we broke up, and every day I would try to figure it out. I reached a point where I understood the main reason, but now I understand why he was being hostile and disrespectful to me. Now that I think about it, he’s behaving the same way he did last summer because of the same exact reason. So thank you so much for clearing everything up. I feel so much at peace now that I realize why he was behaving this way towards me because I genuinely don’t think he’s a bad person but he was being that way towards me and it confused me.

    “Frankly, this might not even be true, perhaps he’s just told you this as an excuse, because he didn’t want to argue with you any more?”

    When he told me this, we weren’t speaking anyway and I just had to ask him a question and he told me about his diagnosis after. After that, we never spoke again. So I’m not sure if he said it as an excuse or not, I highly doubt it but I don’t think it matters anymore.

    “You say you have a good relationship with your parents, and that they are supportive of you seeking professional help. You also said you didn’t tell your parents when you were admitted to hospital for suicidal thoughts, and that your ex- boyfriend was the only person you talked to about those things. How come you didn’t want to confide in your parents? If you feel like it, please share some more…”

    I did tell my parents about my suicidal ideation, but my parents did not understand depression or suicidal thoughts very well mainly because they weren’t educated about it and in their culture family members would tend to hide mental illnesses as they were not considered to be good. I told them everything I was feeling and they did not know what to do about it, because they thought that the thoughts would be gone within some time. They were being supportive they just didn’t understand the severity of it and I don’t blame them. So I just told my school counselor about it so I could seek help, the doctors at the hospital told my parents about what I was going through and then they understood and do their best to support me.

    #383284
    canary
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    Thank you for those words. It’s been really hard to believe that it wasn’t all my fault and that I’m not too much. It was so heartbreaking because I genuinely thought that I was asking for too much and I should just learn to be less sensitive and emotional. It’s really hard because for most of the relationship and friendship that happened after the breakup, none of my needs were being met and I genuinely thought I was the crazy one because he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong. I don’t think he was doing anything wrong (besides the disrespect haha) because I just wasn’t getting my needs met and it’s just heartbreaking when it’s someone you love and it’s strange because I was getting all my needs met at the very beginning of our friendship/relationship and suddenly, I’m not anymore. Things changed and it really hurt me.

    I didn’t realize how hurt he also was because of our relationship until he told me about it and it finally hit me that we had been both hurting each other without realizing even though we loved each other very much.

    I don’t understand why I still love him to this day and care for him. I don’t even know if he feels the same way, even if he doesn’t it never changes the fact that I still care and love him.

    All I really want is to move on with my life and keep the good memories locked away in my heart, it’s really difficult and right now I’m not sure what to do.

    #383283
    canary
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    “”Here is one possible scenario of what might have happened: In the beginning he was able to empathize with you, checking in on you, being kind and considerate, and offering help. As you were anxious quite a lot, it could be that after a while he got tired of always talking about your anxiety and being careful not to upset you. He might have started developing resentment for always needing to take care of you, and it might have manifested in him not being there for you when you needed it most: When you had an especially rough day, he wasn’t available to talk. Or when you were about to be admitted to hospital for suicidal ideation, he instead of being concerned, started talking about his exam. It could be that you were too much to handle for him, and so he sometimes “checked out”, exactly at the worst time. He probably couldn’t tell you directly at the time that you’re “too much”, but did it in this form of passive aggression.””

    I agree with this. He had told me that I was too much for him and he said he had to walk on eggshells around me so I wouldn’t get upset. He told me I was sensitive and emotional but in a bad way. I don’t understand what I was doing that made him feel that way, I made sure to never dump everything on him but he never told me at the moment that he couldn’t talk to me (he didn’t set a boundary). I didn’t know I was doing something wrong because he never told me about it at first.

    “One possible reason for this could be that he is narcissistic and really inconsiderate, and that in the beginning of your relationship he was faking kindness and interest in you. The other possibility is that he isn’t narcissistic but that he felt unheard, since a lot of your conversations were about you. As I said before, maybe he was tired of talking only about you and tending to your needs, but wanted to talk about himself, and expected you to listen to him and be there for him? I really don’t know if this is the case, just putting it out there as a possibility…”

    I don’t think this is the case because I would listen when he’d talk about himself and vice versa, until I would be going through an episode.

    “Having read everything you wrote, I see two possibilities: 1) one is that he truly isn’t able to empathize with people and is extremely self-centered (it would be true if he were a narcissist, or someone with antisocial disorder), or 2) that he isn’t able to show as much empathy for you as you would want it – however that it’s not a failure of his character, but rather that due to your anxiety, you are very sensitive and in a big need of empathy and soothing, which he isn’t able to meet (and then reacts with resentment, and lately, is extremely hostile and disrespectful).”

    I think these two possibilities are true.

    He states that he has trouble empathizing with people and I was not shown the empathy I needed during my rough times. It’s a bit strange because he was showing me love and empathy during the beginning of my relationship, it wasn’t exactly what I needed but I would tell him what I needed and he would understand and change to support me, but as soon as my mental state deteriorates, he’s not able to be there for me. I admit I was very codependent on him because I wouldn’t take care of myself sometimes (especially during the end of the relationship) and I wasn’t able to self-soothe my emotions. I relied on him for my happiness a looot. I think that’s why he reacted with resentment and is hostile and disrespectful… 🙁

    #383280
    canary
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I am now a college student living at home but you are correct I had been receiving help since the very beginning of high school.

    The free/low-cost therapy has a long waitlist so I’m not guaranteed a spot and I have called and emailed them but it’s been hard to get in contact. I will try again.

    The relationship between my family is good. They are supportive of my choice to receive professional help and they try their best to support me, but it’s been hard to get the help I am looking for and also very pricy.

    #383196
    canary
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    I don’t remember each scenario exactly but I will try my best.

    At the beginning of the friendship, he was aware of my mental state and was checking in on me, asking if he could do anything to make me feel better. This continued on into the relationship but slowly he started checking in on me less. I would get lots of anxiety and need reassurance that he loves me. He would try his best to reassure me and make me feel better. When I was having very rough days, we wouldn’t talk as much because he was never available to talk. This really hurt me and he was aware that we weren’t talking as much and he admitted it.

    I believed he did not love me, but he was trying his best to show that he does even if he wouldn’t respond to me as quickly as I’d like. He told me that he has ADHD and would hyper-fixate on something (video games) so he couldn’t find the time to respond. I was totally fine with him responding after a while, but it was really rough for me when I was having a bad day and all I needed was someone to talk to, and he wouldn’t be there for me when I needed him. I’m aware that he was trying his best even if I didn’t feel loved by him.

    One situation really hurt me deeply and it was one of the first times I realized he couldn’t give me the empathy and support I needed. I was on my way to the hospital because I was getting admitted for suicidal ideation, I was in a really bad state of mind. I was also very nervous because it was a big step for me to ask for help from a school counsellor and I was waiting for my ride to get to the hospital. On my way, I was texting my ex-boyfriend about my situation and I was telling him how nervous I was. I was just talking to him about my current situation, and he suddenly changed the conversation towards himself, talking about how he got such a bad mark on a test (he was in class at that time). It really hurt because I felt like what I said was ignored and he did not care that I was on my way to the hospital. It was really upsetting because I needed lots of support that time, and he was the only person I had contact with during that time. I have other friends for support but they were not available to talk. I didn’t even tell my parents about this.

    I didn’t tell him at that moment that it hurt me that I was being ignored, but I did tell him later in which he said that he is sorry for that.

    He always does this in conversations, even when I’m just talking about myself (unrelated to my mental state) he does not acknowledge it and just continues to talk about himself. It feels like I’m being ignored and I just wanted him to empathize with me and understand me to the best of his abilities.

    #383193
    canary
    Participant

    Hi Antia,

    Thank you for clearing that up I understand what you mean now.

    I had been receiving counselling (from school) for 4 years and last year I tried out therapy around January. It did not help much but I was not able to receive the treatment I needed because the price was too much and my therapist was also not a good fit for me. So I had to leave because I couldn’t afford it.

    Ever since then, I’ve been trying to relieve my anxiety through self-help books and medication I received from my psychiatrist. But the medications were not helping at all, I’ve been on several (I started medication in August 2019) and none had a positive effect on me. So I recently ended my last medication (which was for anxiety) in May. I still experience withdrawal symptoms from this last medication that I ended despite it being 2 months. The withdrawals at the beginning gave me severe anxiety, but now it’s manageable. The reason I know I’m still experiencing symptoms from withdrawals is because I experience brain shivers (from the medication) and anxiety. The symptoms have gotten a lot better but I feel they aren’t fully gone yet. If you are wondering what the name of this medication is, it’s called Effexor (Venlafaxine) and it’s known for having very long and horrible withdrawal symptoms.

    I’m just not sure what to do regarding my anxiety anymore. I do practice self-care when I experience anxious thoughts or anxiety attacks, but my anxiety seems to be there all the time, and I don’t experience bad anxiety attacks anymore unless something big triggers it. It’s really difficult to get treatment, I’d really like to try therapy but it’s so expensive. I’ve filled out forms for therapy that are low-cost or even free, but they never got back to me. Since then I’ve been trying to manage my anxiety on my own by reading self-help books but that’s all I can do for now.

    I’m trying to fix my schedule and build a healthy routine by incorporating things that’ll bring me happiness. I enjoy yoga, eating healthy, reading, etc. So I’ve been trying to take things slowly so I can build this routine that’ll benefit me.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 26 total)