“Sane New World by Ruby Wax” Is the book – sorry i mentioned it in my first post 🙂 Its great!

Hi Stephanie,

It’s so strange to read this because I can relate so much. I too have major trust issues and anxiety. I’m so worried about being made a fool of if my partner disrespects me.
First of all I just want to say that one of the major reasons for my anxiety and trust issues is not having the control of my partner and I’m constantly so worried about the “what could happen” when really it’s none of my business, I’m slowly learning and teaching myself that he is his own person and if he chooses to disrespect me that is on he’s own back and that either way I will be okay. Some times when I feel my anxiety coming on I imagine not having anyone and living happy, doing all the things a free soul could do without a care in the world and knowing I will be okay- Try it see how you feel.

(Even though I read a lot of these forums I never reply so forgive me if I’m all over the shot – I’m not a good writer)

I want to share an exercise that I practise when I feel these voices clouding my head. The first one I do is start pinching my finger and really concentrate on the pinching sensation in my finger and being in the present moment because you will find when your mind is going nuts with voices you are in auto so that’s my way of snapping out of it and realising what my mind was doing. So next time you have those thoughts – Jump, click your fingers do something that will make you concentrate and recognise what your mind was doing and think about something else positive straight after. There is much more about this exercise and mindful thinking but I don’t know if I would explain it right so I will recommend to read the book “Sane New World by Ruby Wax” It’s fantastic and goes into depth about what I have just written.

Lastly don’t worry if it takes time to overcome – I to have terrible weeks stressing if my partner is checking out other girls if he is wanting out of the relationship and if he’s up to no good but at the end of the day if I find him watching porn or checking out girls my partner knows I don’t appreciate it and if he still he watches porn and does do it it’s behind my back then whatever (he’s probably not even)! And if I do happen to catch him… Yes it will hurts but really it’s not that big of a deal he comes home to me every night, he loves me so honestly I don’t even waste my time thinking about it, what’s the point really?
Go off what is real and happened don’t worry about the voices and the scenarios you make up in your head. Love your boyfriend be the best girlfriend he has had and don’t dwell on he’s past or what might happen. LIVE IN THE MOMENT and if anything happens and it doesn’t work out – No sweat you’ll be fine anyways!

Hope this helps xx