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    Yes I feel as though I need to say something as well but perhaps my delivery is not quite on point. I usually find out he has txted her and then I feel my heart exploding in my chest and I react rather quickly. I try to hold myself together but it is written all over me that something is up. When he asks what is wrong, I say to him ‘why are you talking to her?’ .. it usually erupts into an argument and then we just seem to wait until next time when it happens again. When I argue I try to stay calm and talk like an adult but he usually has had enough of my feelings and wants out of the house.

    I haven’t really told any of my friends about the situation as I never like to talk ‘badly’ about my partner as people only tend to remember the ‘bad’ things you say and never the good things. That is why I have reached out in this forum as I need unbiased advice.

    I don’t want his ex in the picture either. I am not on bad terms with my ex and I occasionally txt him to ask a question or something but we are not in each others lives. I also hate social media. In fact, I hate smart phones all together. He has complete access to my phone but he obviously doesn’t like me touching his because he feels like he is getting checked up on. I really have to resist the urge to go through his stuff sometimes.

    As far as I am aware, they txt each other and maybe the odd snapchat. They may see each other out sometimes (at nightclubs or something) but I don’t think its arranged. They have a lot of mutual friends as they were together 2 years. I want him to tell me when he has seen her or when he has txt her and what its about but he asks why I need to know everything. I had a friend in a similar situation and it seems as though what is a big deal to a girl is not necessarily a big deal to the guy.

    Thank you again Emmanuelle, I hope someone can read our conversations and find some peace as well 🙂


    Thank you all for your advice. I will be taking bits and pieces from everyone. Iv’e never been on a forum before and I can’t believe the love and support I feel from complete strangers. You have helped me so so much.

    I think I will be taking a step back and taking some time to reflect on what I want and who I want to be in this relationship. I don’t want to be the controlling girlfriend who decides who my partner can and cannot speak with, this has never been who I am. How do I discover what my own standards and boundaries are?

    Chloe, you are right. If you love something, set it free. Perhaps I need to give my partner room to move and trust him to respect our relationship. If I make him feel trapped he will be sure to leave and I wouldn’t blame him.

    John, before my partner and I were ‘official’ he was seeing her but they were not officially dating either. They had broken up months before and were spending time together but they were not ‘back together’ as such. I believe she found out about me quite early on and whether she was naive and thought he was only seeing her or she was ok with him seeing the both of us, I don’t know. I would suspect the first scenario. She was surprised to find out that he had made me his girlfriend.

    Sometimes when he goes out girls will come up to him and I feel as though he should be pushing them away a little more than what he does. I know he likes the attention and I knew he was like that when I first met him. However, I don’t really feel suspicious of these girls, it’s only his ex as I know she used to hold his heart.

    Any advice on how I go about letting go and having faith in my relationship? Easy to say, but what do I need to do to put into practice.

    Thank you my friends, I feel like I’m growing already.


    Thank you Emmanuelle. You seem to know exactly how it feels.

    My partner knows how I feel about him talking to her and but he doesn’t see the problem and he wont stop just because I ask. He says he can talk to whoever he wants whether it be her or other female friends. On one hand, I don’t want to be the controlling girlfriend who dictates his life and yes, I believe he should be able to speak to whomever he wants. And on the other hand, I want him to realise the impact the situation has on our relationship.

    When I said to him that I don’t trust their friendship, he too was offended. He couldn’t believe that I doubt his love for me. I think as I have cheated in the past, I know what all the right things to say and do (I am not proud of it) and it makes me wonder whether he is feeding me lines as I have done the same previously.

    I want to have a constructive conversation with him but he just closes up and says I need to sort out my feelings as he is doing nothing wrong. I sometimes feel as though I have too many feelings for him to deal with.

    Like you, I am trying to work on myself. Perhaps it is not the situation, it’s just how I am reacting to it but I don’t know how to change or whether I should have to change. “to trust someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, and to not let the past take over my emotions”… you’ve summed up exactly how I feel.


    The smart phone is the least smart thing in my relationship. Between Instagram, facebook, snapchat and deleting txts I am a lost cause. If the phone is in his hand, I am suspicious. Women have no respect for the partner of a man. They don’t care if he has a girl at home, they have no boundaries and are happy to cross that line if they think they can have him for themselves. Men don’t respect their women. They are happy to dance up on other girls in the club, talk about sassing back other women and follow half naked stanger’s on the internet instead of honoring their partner.

    I sometimes think I was born in the wrong time. Why cant we connect with the person who is in front of us? The one who has seen us without an instagram filter instead of searching for the ‘like’ approval of followers.

    I dont know how relationships work in this generation. If anyone has any advice, please send it my way.


    Thank you for your reply Bob. I cried reading your response as your words are so kind.

    I don’t think we would be able to meet together to discuss. I have tried to discuss how I feel with my partner alone and he gets very annoyed with me because he can’t believe I don’t trust him. I am very suspicious and I feel as though I need to know everything that he does, who he talks to, sees etc.
    When I ‘accuse’ him of playing up, it usually ends with me in tears. I haven’t seen spoken to him or seen him for 2 days now. I am scared he will pack his bags while I am work. I pray so hard that he God will lead and guide me but I am struggling with the pain. How do you make a man talk to you and reconnect in the relationship?

    A similar occurrence happened in the very early stages of our relationship as well. I was upset with him as he called me his ex’s name and he didn’t talk to me for a week. He came back to me and we rekindled and have been inseparable ever since.
    I fear he may ignore me for a week and I cant take the pain. When we are good we are perfect but when something like this happens it destroys my soul. I don’t know whether I should just trust him and believe he is doing right by me or whether I should, like you said, leave bare footed.

    Please help me. please.

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