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Barbara

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  • in reply to: Overcoming depression #44489
    Barbara
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    Hi I have never commented any post in my life but here I want to say st. I felt exactly like you. After secondary school I was thinking that I am special, but on University I understood that I am just normal without any special skills. I left university, because I was not motivated to study and I was thinking that I should do st more special. The real reason was that I was unable to do exams. I started to work and get very depressed because I saw how ordinary I am. I saw other people to know 5 languages, doing 2 universities and still having real and interesting job. I get depressed because I studied 11 years english and were not able to say word. I studied 5 years italian and I cant speak anything. I was the worst in the class. My dream was just to be different, because also my temperament is like that. My dream was to work overseas (as all my colleagues from University, because we were studying international development). And I saw that it was impossible. Everyone told me that I am not language type and I should accept it, finish any university, find regular job have family etc. because everyone though the life is like that. After one year working in restaurant I came back to the school, studying international development again. Then one day, one professor told me during exame: you dont know nothing. But I can make you pass the exame, because I dont want you to think, I am the reason why you dont finish university. I can give you the exame because outside there are plenty of young nice and intelligent people who are working hard to be the best. And therefore even if you finish this university you will always be nothing. He gave me the exam for free and I left home. I got so angry, that I started to study hard, I almost kill myself by studying. I took any opportunity that was challenging to go oversees I never gave up studying 8 hours per day. I went to portugal without knowing any word in portuguese study on university there in portuguese. Just because everyone believed I will be back in month. I didnt go out 6 months just studying and my portuguese was still terribly basic. Everyone was doing progress but not me. I decided to study more hours per day. I bought duck donald stories and translate all of them in mean time. No results. My english was also so bad that I was the worst between all international students in my group. My mother told me: Just accept it, you are not language type. And then 1 day after these 6 months I was telling st. and I was thinking I was speaking in english (my bad english) and my friends were looking at me with open mouth and told me. How that is possible you are speaking portuguese. It just one day made a click and I started to speak fluent. I did all exams in portuguese and I was in first 5 people in the class. How that is possible if everyone else was portuguese and understood all lessons? Now I speak portuguese, spanish, english and french. Fluently. I have so good grammar in portuguese that I am repairing emails from native speakers. I also improved my english even if i didnt have already so much dedication to make it perfect as my portuguese. But still. Now I am working oversees in mozambique writing reports for US NGO. Me!!! who is not language type. What we can is not determined who we are or what other people think is possible. What we can is determined how much we want it. I understood that you can be Einstein if you really want. Because what he did was just to be obsessed by physics and never gave up. So dont panic. Sit on your ass and start. First week you will cry, because if you are same as me, you hate to concentrate and stay calm. But after week or two you start enjoy it, dont slow down. Be hard to you, be determined and you will be better than all that people with perfect jobs who are telling you, you are lazy. Because you can do anything you really decide to do. Apropos almost nobody from my university class manage to work oversees. And nobody managed to work for international NGO…….beijo desde Mozambique… B.

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