hi all

i think you are right

i was a bit too cruel to myself and not contacted her, even something bad happened last thur

i think it is legit to reach out to her , to say that the expectation does not aligh( i cant contact her and i gave her the allowance verbally), evidented by my mom’s situation( and that hurts)

and if we were to continue with this break the logistic, i may need the agreememt to reach out if needed. or we just end things directly may be better

this seems less cruel to myself also

Clara

dear anita

it was a no contact break so far. we talked about no contact, and it was only right before i left i became a bit emotional, and said she could contact me if there is anything. so far, she didnt.

at that time, i asked her to take a rest and think if she can clear her mind of the “feeling” she has for me(and whether she has it or not), and we can discuss based ok that after a month

but the logistic(exact date etc) were not properly addressed

Now i do realize we did it a bit hasty, we said it on sat, then on sun i already moved away. I feel a lot of the logistics were not properly addressed. Other than the date and whether we still keep in touch during this period of time

Clara

Hi Anita

Or may be things were that bad or no other alternative, when I first brought it up. But somehow, here we are and we are doing this (torturing to each other i assume, I recognize she must not be feeling good right now also)

Clara

Hi all

Thanks

I am glad to make this a semi-private journal, I feel quite safe here, sharing with you while remain mostly anoynomous.

Last night I called my friend who learned somatic experiencing technique. She guided me a bit which helped me feel more grounded.

She said I actually had good inner intelligence, it suddenly occured to me that I have my own flow when it comes to healing myself. Knowing the first week is tough and I let my emotions out, let the physically part(crying, sighing) be in sync with my emotion(frustration/ disappointment/ scared). And I know i had to stop somewhere, to pull mself up and stand on my feet, that is when I looked for ways to help mself such as to meditate and do aerobic exercise as Anita suggested. I did manage to had a brisk walk in the gym and meditated even after my big cry, which in retrospect, I am proud of. Proud of myself for trying hard during the challenging time.

I will definitely remember to be kind and empathetic to myself and to my partner. In fact these days when I had negative thoughts,  I remembered this and i tried to think of her good. this helps lift me up. But sometime I would be scared to not think of the worst, and I am not prepared for the bad things to happen(she breaks up with me/ she lied to me), then I would have not been prepared for this. It’s so hard to find the balance, to be positive yet expects the worst.

This morning I went volunteer, I learned some sign languages and I visisted people with deaf and hearing impaired. I occured to me that my problem could actually be very small, if I let it shrink and not keep feeding it. There is this woman who is only 2 years older than me, who is suffering from mental problem, jobless, and her mother is the only person who takes care of her 24/7, scared that if she didn’t keep an eye out for her she would go out and get lost(the woman did get lost one time and spent 3 days 2 nights unable to find her way back home). This is a single parent family and they are the only person for each other.

Today I also did some shopping, my other friend said maintaining a relationship includes taking care of yourself(mentally/ physically/ outlook), I went to buy some nice new clothes which I had been sooo lazy to do. I lost the motivation to make myself look better(outlook wise), in a way I feel this is true also, if you don’t think yourself is beautiful, how would anyone think this way?

Will post again, have a good morning on your side

Chau

Hi Anita and all

I am browsing other topics and I saw other people suddenly fall out of love as well.

Reading them helped me recognize the suffering they are going through, which is probably the things my partner is going through now.

My conclusion so far, for this situation is:

I understand she is suffering and lost and frustrated, i know she sees me having quality as a life long partner but she needs time to think if we can adjusted to the ups and downs in the long term relationship. Falling out of love makes her very confused as on one hand she sees my qualities, on the other hand she is, falling out of love.

” I wish she could tell me earlier” , this popped up in my head. I think this is the exact same thing I said, when I shared about her almost 6 years ago, about her not telling me about her ex. This probably needs to be addressed if we stay together, even if we break up, she has to think about it on her own how this is affecting her relationship as well(not that I can control if this is the case). I think if she tells me on her own, rather than wait for me to ask whether she likes me and went silence, this could have made me feel way better.

Other than that, I sometime have some overreacting and made her scared, she takes my emotions as her responsibilities and it seems those are too heavy for her. But in fact, my emotions should be mainly my responsibilities, and I will take that as my duty instead.

I did sink in that you mentioned relationship can be an aim. If i aim for her as a life long partner, then we have to do something(compromise/ sacrifice / pay effort) to make this work. With no consistent work, things may fall apart again

Thanks all, good morning to me and goodnight to you all

Clara

Hi Anita,

I am not aware of what practice is available, if you can shed some light that would be awesome

Thank you

Chau