Thank you to everyone who has shared their story or given advice! It’s been really comforting to know I’m not alone in this.

I ended up leaving our home tonight. I told him I needed some time and space, and that I was going to stay at my moms. I’ve actually already done this multiple times in the last few months. He of course was extremely angry. He started yelling at me and kicking the coffee table. Honestly, I go to my moms because I feel comforted, loved and safe there. I’m sure it sounds like I’m running away from my problems, but it’s just that I can go there and actually feel at peace.

I explained to him my feelings again.. That I can’t be the only one who is the “glue” keeping us together and functioning. I can’t be the only one who is making the important or emotional decisions, the only who is providing financially, the only who is making an effort to nurture our relationship. And that my heart has just not been 100% invested in us. I don’t think he understands what I mean when I say these things. He just immediately starts yelling “I don’t know what the f*** you want from me!” and tries to manipulate it into being victimized. Every time, I very calmly explain to him that while he has every right to be hurt and angry, my feelings matter and they are important to me. Tonight, he kept saying that I’m a quitter, that I’m quitting on him. Abandoning him. And that by me walking out on him, I am making his life hell. I just simply apologized, gathered a few things and left.

I felt like a terrible person while driving away from the house. But honestly, now that I’m sitting here, writing and reenacting in my mind what happened.. I can’t help but think that I am making the right choice. Everyone in his family has enabled him in so many ways for his entire life. I, myself, have enabled his behaviors for years. I just simply cannot do this anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent. <3