Nomad you are not alone! I agree completely with everything that Peter has said, you have identified your problem and the solution already.  Fear can be crippling you are living in fear of things that have not happened yet, I feel that in the past that I have experienced similar feelings to you and the all come back to the one feeling ‘fear’. Learning to observe your thoughts nonjudgmentally and bringing yourself back to the moment will help to ease your anxiety. I do not truly understand how you feel as we are all unique but a few things that have helped me in the past are:

1. Doing a ten minute guided morning meditation.

2. Doing a guided meditation at night time, usually before bed (YouTube is great, there is so many to choose from).

3. Learning that all of my feelings/emotions were not bad, just a very real, natural response to the fear I was feeling.

4. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or CBT as it’s sometimes referred to. I went to my doctor to ask for a referral but due to large waiting lists he offered me a pack where I could go through the steps by myself. It worked for me, it helped me work through my suppressed feelings from childhood. It turns out that I continued to make the same choices/mistakes over and over and over again – until I dealt with the root cause (even though I didn’t realise what the root cause was at the time).

I also want to say before I go, that I think, opening up like you have today is probably the first step to healing! It was for me.

Also I got great comfort from this site reading articles about people who seemed just as messed up as me at one time but got through the other side. You are strong enough to deal with this!!