Your an angel! I will be practising what you have said to me over your last few messages. It will be a long journey I feel but I will get to where I want to be! My partner and I had a chat last night and I told him all about what you had said an he’s open to learning about this inner world. It felt quite exciting getting it all out, and I felt the feeling of hope again! Thank you so much for your time and words of absolute wisdom… you have taught me so much over a few messages ☺️? xxx

A4u and Anita,

both your messages have gave me so much hope and calmness today!

A4u you are spot on about the fear thing. I can see it clear sometimes… that when I feel fear I push my partner away. My subconscious tells me to leave him and suffer alone. I must find out more about this! A clear example of this was just last week… I was on track for 2 whole weeks and started feeling the wedding vibes again. My mum was up visiting, I had a long hard day at work and arrived home to my Mum who had brought my young nieces and nephews over. I had no food in for them, the dog ran away earlier that day, my mum had fed him his dinner at breakfast time and I was severely stressed out about the whole situation! I went to bed that night and felt myself falling and falling deep in my thoughts. And since then have been feeling low and sad again. Could this also indicate the fear in me? My family know that I need to make plans to have the kids around otherwise I get stressed. I was so angry at my mum for bringing them all over while I was at work. I’m aware I must sound like a spoilt brat but it’s the way I have always been with the kids being around!

The journey you have suggested about getting myself back is familiar to me… this was my mums suggestion and it’s early days. I am finding hope and direction…. I guess my constant worry is if it’s possible to do this as a couple! I want it to be. Is it possible?!

Xxxx

Hi Anita!

U r right these do not seem like enough to trigger all this. I remember thinking back though, my partner had lost his gran and struggled to come to terms with it too. She died the night of our engagement, and since then he was hard to communicate with. It was a long hard year last year, and I can’t help that feel like his wallet and the train incident tipped me way over my tipping point! Iv been broken.

I would be willing to explore what you have said. Do you have any suggestions as to how I go about this?

I know my heads not right. Only a couple of weeks ago I was ready for planning to get married again! Then I feel the fear and guilt tugging and then I’m right back down where I started. The last thing I want to do is break up because of this anxiety.  I need hope and guidance!

Thank youfor your messages so far xxx

Hi! Thanku for ur reply.

Yes I remember so clearly what happened…. a couple of upsetting things happened. Firstly I had a huge fright on a train going to work, a man exposed himself to me and I got the police etc involved. My partner was away at the time and that same weekend his wallet was stolen from him so he was upset as he had photos of his grandparents in. I felt myself falling and falling in my head then boom, woke up on be Sunday morning and haven’t been the same since. Things have been so intense in my head ever since and I’m so many occasions have got myself into Such a state that I have almost called my whole relationship off. We decided to postpone our wedding after getting engaged in April 2016, wedding booked by August 2016.

I have had so much support from him and my family. I love him dearly and the thought of being without him is so upsetting. I’m crying as I type this ha! ? I want to ge through this and be with this man.

Throughout the year I have learned a lot about love and relationships, and can pick myself up after a bad patch, but somehow it always leads back to these “I don’t want to be with him” feelings ?☹️ I have googled signs of breakups, falling out of love, “follow ur heart” etc and I show no signs of wanting to break up with him! Yet something is not right with me ?

so so sad xxx