I can relate to Jerris.

Here’s my story:

My family, all in the medical field, were disappointed that I didn’t follow in their footsteps, either becoming a nurse or doctor. They didn’t understand that math and science were my weakest subjects and I felt at home when I took Graphic Design as my major. I was passionate about art. My artwork even went on to compete in design competitions with professionals, even though I was just a student. I won awards and even an internship in a small e-commerce company for a few months prior to graduation. I felt confident that this was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

After graduation I had a difficult time finding work. After a year, I found a friend who owned a design company and he took me in. I was working for two years in the company until it had to start cutting off workers due to the economy going down. Next thing I knew I was doing projects without pay and decided to look for other options. I went to an adult school and brushed up on my web design skills. I had survived with a few freelance projects after finishing, but it still wasn’t enough to live off of. Then I decided to switch gears and decided to take a customer service representative job recommended by a friend from church. The job was difficult. I did everything I could to survive in the job: I took accurate messages, relayed the messages on time to my boss, provided customer service support for small business merchants according to the guidelines of the company and still my boss yelled at me day after day. He always asked me, “Do you really feel you did your best?” I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. I couldn’t sleep at night, celebrated every Friday like it was Christmas, and dreaded Monday mornings like death. After just 6 months in that job, I left.

My prior experience in my customer service job haunted me so I also decided to brush up on my business math and accounting skills just so I can be more marketable in any job. I also joined a job club so I can network and meet more people. I established a connection with one job seeker and planned to maybe put up a small business to get both of us out of unemployment. After working a lot together on a business plan, I started developing feelings for him, maybe because I felt glad that for once, someone didn’t judge me for my struggle to find a job. Once he found out that I developed feelings for him, he laughed in my face. I felt like he slapped me in the face with my own feelings. I didn’t feel like keeping this connection was healthy so I terminated the project, cut my connections, and decided to focus on my business math class and volunteering at a history museum.

I take responsibility for all the quitting I’ve done, but after much evaluation with everything I got myself in to, I always felt like I was at the end of my rope.

So here I am, 10 years later, still fearing the future. I feel better getting my story out there, however, if the Tinybuddha community has any words of encouragement, I’m all ears!