I want them to accept my decision that I am going to continue to date my boyfriend whether they like it or not and that eventually I am going to settle down with him.

Thank you for breaking it down Anita. Based on your questions, you think there is no way that I can keep both my family and my boyfriend, is that correct?

Well I haven’t seen any evidence that he’s a bad guy at all. Not perfect, but definitely not a bad guy. He works, goes to church, does service to the ministry, on repeat. He has some money problems brought about by the hardship of finding a job abroad but he is now paying it off, it just took some time (I know this because he gave me access to his account and sometimes I am the one who pays his debts in his behalf).

He did say that he has a bit of an aversion to his extended family because he knew they were gossiped about and said that they did not get any help at all. He also didn’t like some of our common relatives because he felt like the same people judged and abandoned them at a time of need. This checks out because these are the same persons who told my parents that my boyfriend could turn out to be like his father because the “fruit does not fall far from the tree.” His mother on the other hand, while they have contact is not also particularly close to him. He said since he was 3 years old, his parents left him to his grandmother to work in the city. Sure, they provided money for him but he has no fond memory of them being together. When he was 13, his parents took him to the city and he thought that finally feel how it’s like being in a complete family, but alas, because a year after, his father took off with his paramour and his mother decided to just go abroad. He had to go back to the province to finish his studies.

As for our common relatives, they confirmed that they really do not know him at all except for gossips that he is gay because he’s a bit ‘soft’ for a man in terms of his demeanor, and because when they invite him for family events, he doesn’t attend at all. They also knew about his family’s debts to other people which is not yet repaid.