Maradoll,

You’re so right about staying on that hamster wheel, it does waste a lot of emotional energy and makes you jaded and bitter.

Thank you so much for your support and thoughtful words.

Much love.

Thank you Serenity,  Anita, Inky and Eliana for your responses.

Anita, I try to not be critical of him and really am not day to day. They are just certain characteristics that are present and have caused issues in our relationship. I’m not saying I’m perfect or that he needs to be or that he will always be what I need him to be, but I think the only thing I’m asking for are basic needs and maybe expecting him to be more expressive when he’s not is asking him to change so I can do without that, but I can’t do without a lot lacking, at least give me affection if you can’t be expressive right? And he used to. I’m confused because of course I still have feelings for him and want us to work these “lacks” out and he’s said he would work on it but doesn’t. I guess I’m just dissapointed and hurt. I know that if you are constantly critical of anyone, they will lose interest or feelings for you. I try to praise him and make him feel good whenever I can and especially whenever things are going even better.

I did mean to end it, because I can’t continue on without the lack of those things, I feel like certain men need to lose something before they realize what they have, usually not the better men but some men do. It’s basically like setting my boundaries I think, because talking about things and setting boundaries in that way hasn’t caused any consistent improvements, and that’s what relationships need, is consistent effort right?

Inky,

Thank you so much. Now if only I could re-read your message over and over again when I’m feeling weak and missing him. Because while he might not be a good romantic partner right now due to not putting the work in to grow and communicate well, etc, I know that overall he’s a good person. Sighhhhh. I know I will get through this but it sure is hard the first few weeks.

Eliana,

I definitely wouldn’t feel secure, I haven’t felt secure with him for some time. I think if this had been the only issue I had tried to get through with him, then I would have more strength and will to try to work on things but at this point i feel emotionally drained and that was the last thing I needed to hear. I think it’s possible to get through that, although highly tricky but yeah definitely a stab to the heart that you don’t get over for a long while.