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January 17, 2018 at 10:58 am #187275
crystalmoonParticipantTannhauser, this is amazing! I also realized so much through this experience, good lessons learnt! We all fall down now and then and we get up. I wanted to apologize for such a harsh response too, I was not able to put myself into your perspective at that given time, and I have learnt for the future not to express myself in such a strikt harsh way, it usually only backfires. Others were strong and showed compassion and I had a marvelous learning experience from them how to react more kindly towards a moment of falling down.
Thank you all.
Much love.
Selene
January 16, 2018 at 11:26 am #187057crystalmoonParticipant@anita Thank you very much for your interesting input and opinions, I appreciate it.
Its interesting to view it from a brain perspective and phsicological perspective, what is happening with bodies.
I remember more clear right now that there were a few emotions trapped in me and i would not let them out, i felt really ashamed, and then later the release of control of others, i remember letting go of trying to change my mother and allowing her to be as she is with her good sides and flawed sides, also i had a realization that majority of us want to be accepted for who we are, we all want to be loved and treated with respect, we all want to be heard genuinely, and so I was able to open up and give it out. Later I closed off and had a feeling of being a victim and not wanting to give love to others because they don’t deserve it. Ah it’s great talking about it, I see more clearly on what I need to work hehe.
About narcotic you had, some things like that block specific receptors so your true self can get through. You know I had such a funny experience, I was having my stomach checked out good while ago and was under anesthetic, when I woke up I was talking joyfully with everyone, when my brain started to get more conscious I started hearing myself more, and later fully present I was amazed how much of my talking I could not recall at all, and yet I was there, I was talking without being aware of it lol.
Thanks again for all of your support again!
January 16, 2018 at 11:04 am #187053crystalmoonParticipant@tricia Thank you so much for your reply, your story is lovely, it’s great to hear there are others who experienced this amazing state of love!
My homeopath did not leave me to go through anxiety with nothing, she gave me quiet a few remedies, however they did not help as much. It is nice that you had your anxiety dealt with very easy and quickly. And you have done so many interesting alternative courses and therapies, that is great, so nice that they helped you through your journey. And wow, past life traumas and rage, that is indeed amazing that those things are stuck with us, we carry karma and other unresolved issues with us and each day gives us opportunity to work on those.
I also remember now that during that time the golden rule was present, I was talking with others the way I would want to be talked to. The more I think this way the more I start feeling that love again, and then I notice some blocking thoughts appear, so I gotta keep on clearing those thoughts. Another thing during that time was that all love and kindness was reflected to me by other people, I noticed people smiling more back, they would simply offer little kind things to me, I was amazed as I did not even expect anything and they were coming, so I felt even more joy hehe.
So gonna keep on going, It is worth everything!
btw this lovely person had exactly same experience http://www.nderf.org/Experiences/1helen_s_ste.html
All the best!
January 16, 2018 at 7:03 am #187001crystalmoonParticipantthe Point is that I only change myself, we all only change ourselves. You are in rage, and okay, that is your choice, that is what you are feeling now, you also have a choice to feel differently, but okay, who am I to tell you this I am also just a little human being, you obviously know everything already, so why even come here, do you want all of us to follow you? What’s your point here? Do we need to validate you? Let’s all scream and be angry, let’s destroy Earth even more?! Lest scream “fuck you” to each other? Feels good?
we both speak from life experience, we both having it hard, I had an experience of love which i did not even know existed, and it is there, except when you are under the deep mud it’s almost impossible to experience that love, so yeah, it can feel like it is not there. Just because you can not see beyond horizon of the ocean does not mean that it stops there.
I will stop here, you are mad at good and at bad, at kind and at strikt, nothing will work, only you can pull yourself out, and if you don’t want, well then have a great time in darkness.
best
January 15, 2018 at 2:33 pm #186885crystalmoonParticipantFor, were that to be the case, we should be able to leave Earth at the moment we become ‘enlightened’. As you can see around you, there are many such people still around. So we are trapped here, even though we may not like being here or actively hate being here.
Not really, when you truly ‘enlightened’ you do not want to leave the Earth at your wish! And you do not dislike being here, if you have any of those wishes and dislikes you are not truly ‘enlightened’. When you awake there is only love, even the most terrible things do not blow over that love, you feel deep understanding and compassion and you radiate that powerful love wherever you go! There is pain and simultaneous forgiveness …. not even forgiveness there is nothing to forgive because you are not the victim anymore!
January 15, 2018 at 2:04 pm #186867crystalmoonParticipantSo you want God to fix our all mistakes? You gonna do shit, have no responsibility for your own shit and expect Him to clean up your shit?? You want Him to come and take our suffering away, and because He is not doing it your way means He is no there? You want to punish God by turning away because he is not doing what you want. A little human being throwing tantrum. Look around, look at the universe how huge it is, we are smaller then a speck of dust and so arrogant. Only we are responsible for all the crap around. We have a choice to become a loving human being and do good, or become a hateful human being and do unkind. Do you grow in love or hate? Right now you expect external satisfaction and so it makes you mad, because external does not satisfy you, start radiating good outwards and stop expecting world to pamper you.
January 15, 2018 at 11:46 am #186841crystalmoonParticipantHello dear Selena, and hello others,
so much lovely support and advice here! Thank you all.
I wanted to add something as well. Very sorry you are going through such a tough time, it is not easy to cope with pain and fear. As others have mentioned … medication and self harm will not bring much good. We all can give advice and stay by your side, and the most important person in doing the steps is you, only you can pull yourself out, only you can make the choices to move into positive direction and become a better human being, no one else can live your life for you. And to start doing this you need self compassion and self empathy. Imagine a small sweet girl near you, she is very sad, alone, she is taking pills because no one cares, she is being beaten up and abused by others, she cries has cuts and bruises … how do you feel towards that poor child? Would you want to help her, stand up for her and get her out of the abusive situation? Give her hugs, care, toys, good food, love and gentleness? Now do that for yourself, take care of yourself, who else going to do that? You can take loving action towards yourself. Become a loving mother towards yourself you always wanted to have.
lots love and strength to you, may you have abundance of joy towards yourself and others.
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