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So sad and unhappy

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  • #185689
    Selena
    Participant

    I have been depressed since a young girl, but I was officially diagnosed  by a psychiatrist near the beginning of last year. Anyways one of my primary doctors had given me pills for my anxiety/insomnia and they are these sleeping type pills. My depression as restarted again due to a car accident that I have recently got into, and I am even scared to drive on the road I used to love driving and now I hate it .  I also have to live with the person who physically and verbally abused me and I have to live with their boyfriend too which is great. Anyways I have been chugging these pill a lot about over 3 or 4 a day to “numb” myself, and I have also been drinking alcohol and I hate alcohol as a way to numb myself.  I know this sounds somewhat dark but this is the situation I have been dealing with. I guess you can say what I am doing is drug abuse but I am not sure it qualifies like that.  But I have transitioned from cutting to taking a lot of amount of pills and I take around 3 at once, and it also helps sedating me so I do not have to deal with any of the stuff going around me .

    • This topic was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Selena.
    #185711
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Selena,

    I am sorry to hear what you are going through. But what you are doing is very self destructive, and not the solution of the answer. Your post has me very concerned and worried about you. Please contact a crisis line. They are trained volunteers who want to help you, your call is free and anonymous. Is there someone, a trusted mentor, therapist, friend you can talk to you during this difficult time?

    Taking pills is never the answer. You could easily overdose and make things worse. Try to think positive. This is only a temporary situation. There are steps you can take. I know it’s hard, but try to think positive. First thing is to please get out of the abusive environment you are in. Whether it is a domestic violence shelter, temporarily, a friend’s house, a relative, please don’t self harm. You have to talk to someone about all this, start with a crisis line, they will help you find a qualified therapist or Psychotherapist. Stick with the therapy. Please don’t abuse the drugs/pills anymore. They only numb you shortly, but then you end up feeling worse. You need to be screened for clinical depression and anxiety. Dint get caught up in negative thoughts. Just try to take things one thing at a time to improve your situation. It can be done, first things first is to get out of the environment you are in. Then stop taking the drugs and pills, get screened for depression, and please contact a crisis line asap. I am very concerned. I hope others will post with any ideas or thoughts. Please post back and let me know how you are doing, but please don’t let your negative thoughts take over. Think positive, and find ways to improve your situation and keep posting. x

    #185787
    Selena
    Participant

    Thank you for your reply, I actually am going to rehab clinic soon as a inpatient. I actually used to be really happy near the beginning of the year then I started dating a guy and that triggered my depression. I try to be happy and think positive thoughts all the time but it is hard when you are constantly surrounded by someone you hate or dislike. I was super into Buddhism and crystals, and yoga and such but since I started dating that guy (we dont talk or see each other anymore) thats when my depression resurfaced again. Anyways thank you, I am trying I dont know whats going to come but hopefully good things thanks!

    #185887
    Eliana
    Participant

    You are welcome, please post anytime. I hope you can get back to the Buddhism and crystals..

    #185947
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Selena:

    Unfortunately, you are in an impossible situation: possible to survive, physically, but not possible to heal and to live well.

    You live with a person who “physically and verbally abused”  you, and that person’s boyfriend, “constantly surrounded by someone you hate or dislike”-

    No way to make a situation like this okay. Got to move out and have no contact with that person and the boyfriend.

    anita

    #186613
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Selena,

    I was just checking on you, and seeing how you are doing and if you are feeling better. I hope you will post again. x

    #186615
    Selena
    Participant

    Hi, thank you for all of the supportive comments. I went to check in for my rehab intake and apparently I cant even get help because I am not sick enough. This hospital was the only hope I had left every other psychological hospital is too far and I had such clear hopes. Another case of things going wrong in my life, now I do not even know where to get help. I feel emotionally beaten and drained.

    #186625
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Selena,

    There is always hope. One bad chapter does not mean a bad life. You can do this. Keep trying. Contact resources, mental health specialists to see what other options you have. Please don’t give up. Keep us posted. x

    #186655
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Selena:

    You suffered a lot from having been abused by your mother. You are living with her and you still suffer.

    Notice how you’ve been trying to help yourself repeatedly, trying to make yourself feel better: by cutting before, trying to get the pain out (wasn’t it so?), then by drinking alcohol and swallowing pills, to numb yourself, that is, to stop feeling that emotional pain. And you tried to have a relationship, a loving relationship. You tried “Buddhism and crystals, and yoga and such” and last you mentioned was trying to get into a rehab program.

    You repeatedly and continuously tried to feel better. I think that your motivation to feel better is still there, will still move you to do things. Add to that motivation better thinking and you are likely to come up with more effective ways to feel better, long term. Not just for the moment.

    Add to your motivation to feel better a fighting spirit, fighting for a better life for yourself, as a mission, as your highest value, rescuing yourself and you will find better ways to feel better, long term, ways that will take you to a life that you don’t see now as possible. But it is.

    anita

     

    #186831
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Selena,

    Let’s put our heads together and try to find a way to find a new way of life for you. I am willing to try to help, if you are willing. To you have a price of paper? First thing, make small steps, don’t overwhelm yourself. What is one thing you can do to bring you hope and peace right now? There has to be something right? Start with that, and ideas will start flowing. You don’t have to stay “stuck”. I am not an expert, therapist, but I care and will help you as best as I can. You are not alone.

    #186833
    Eliana
    Participant

    Correction to first post: should read “peice of paper”..

    #186841
    crystalmoon
    Participant

    Hello dear Selena, and hello others,

    so much lovely support and advice here! Thank you all.

     

    I wanted to add something as well. Very sorry you are going through such a tough time, it is not easy to cope with pain and fear. As others have mentioned … medication and self harm will not bring much good. We all can give advice and stay by your side, and the most important person in doing the steps is you, only you can pull yourself out, only you can make the choices to move into positive direction and become a better human being, no one else can live your life for you. And to start doing this you need self compassion and self empathy. Imagine a small sweet girl near you, she is very sad, alone, she is taking pills because no one cares, she is being beaten up and abused by others, she cries has cuts and bruises … how do you feel towards that poor child? Would you want to help her, stand up for her and get her out of the abusive situation? Give her hugs, care, toys, good food, love and gentleness? Now do that for yourself, take care of yourself, who else going to do that? You can take loving action towards yourself. Become a loving mother towards yourself you always wanted to have.

    lots love and strength to you, may you have abundance of joy towards yourself and others.

     

    #189339
    Selena
    Participant

    I want to get help and I have been trying so hard to find a clinic near me, I honestly don’t think I have it in me but I am trying everyday. All the clinics near me are 30 minutes away, the clinic I got denied was closer to me and I feel like that was my only  shot at hope. And I wanted to get away from my sister. And another clinic is booked and my car is not even functioning. I do not know what to do at this point.

    #189383
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * Dear crystalmoon: I just read your post above for the first time: so well stated. Beautiful. Thank you!

    Dear Selena:

    You need some help from someone. I am assuming that no person working at any of the rehab clinics you contacted offered to arrange for your transportation there. Did anyone suggest any other place you can contact for help, a place other than a rehab clinic? There may be a government program that will help you, a church perhaps, a non profit organization aimed at helping people in your financial and emotional situation.

    Look for help in places other than the rehab clinics you approached.

    anita

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