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    Hi Shve,

    Thank you so much for those words, it means a lot.

    Sometimes events like this teach us a lot about ourselves. As for your feelings about missing out on things in life .. I guess the grass always seems greener on the other side. I do wish and hope that going forward, this incident will always remind you of what’s most important to you.

    Exactly, I feel that this event was actually a big step forward for my view of marriage and future with my girlfriend. It certainly taught me something, because if I wasn’t 100 % sure what was important in my life by now, it’s helped me to understand.

    Wish you all the best! 🙂


    Hi Helcat

    I understand the anxiety you are talking about. As you said some thoughts are automatic, so we should have that in mind and don’t let them make us worry too much. I’m glad that you are happy with your decision.

    Thank you one more time for your words and wish you all the best too! 🙂


    Hi Helcat

    Worst case would be if something worse happened while you were drinking in the future. But watch your drinking around women when your partner isn’t there would prevent any issues.

    I totally agree. This is just one of the additional reasons to watch my alcohol intake in the future.

    How are you feeling about the marriage this summer?

    I love my husband very much, but when it came to getting married I still had doubts even though I knew it was what I wanted. It’s a very big decision, potentially life changing. That alone is enough to give anyone doubts.

    Honestly, I also had doubts. Given the nature of my relationship (a relationship since 17,18 years old), I wondered if I was ready, if I needed to experience anything else in my life and if I was doing it out of habit. Every relationship is different so the doubts are, but I believe that many have them. It really is a big, life changing decision and maybe we are never 100% sure.

    What helped me to settle down with getting married is a fact that I really see her as my life companion in the future. I get support, respect and love from her and I am asking myself what else do I need. Also, the thought that she is the mother of my children makes me happy because I believe she is the right person for that.

    In the end, the thought of hurting her really make me sad and that’s why I started to write here. I really believe she deserved the best from me.

    If you feel the same way or similar for your husband, I think that getting married is not a mistake.

    Hope that this helped you a bit.




    Dear Tee,

    Bringing it up with her however may make her doubt your love and commitment – which is the opposite of what you want. I think it might hurt her and cause unnecessarily friction and mistrust due to something that is already resolved in your mind and won’t be influencing your life any more.

    That was my biggest concern and in the end that was the reason why I didn’t tell her. You said it better that I would.

    And lastly, I’d like to say: forgive yourself. You’re not a bad person for this little misstep. You are a good, conscientious person, who cares about his girlfriend a lot and doesn’t want to hurt her. Your intentions are pure. So keep that in mind, and forgive yourself. And focus on the future ahead!

    Thank you for those words, It really means a lot to hear that 🙂 I am definitely focusing on wedding and future in general without any doubts.

    Thank you one more time and wish you all the best too!


    Dear Helcat,

    Thank you for the answer.

    “Summarising what I gathered from this is that you flirted with another woman while you were drunk and hugged or cuddled her. Would you agree?”

    I even wouldn’t say cudddled, but there was a drunk hug, yes. My assume is that she expected kiss or something but that didn’t happened.

    “I think that if you told your partner she would be understanding especially since you feel bad about it. Do you think this is true?”

    I’m not 100% on this, but I think that she would understand in the end.

    “It sounds like a source of anxiety for you linked to your earlier fantasies about exploring options outside of your relationship. What do you think about this?”

    I definitely had a lot of anxious moments because of that, simply I had a strong feelings of missing out. It was not helping that I was surrounded by frineds all the time, who were going on casual dates, exploring and even telling me that I’m missing out a lot.

    Thank you for your words 🙂

    Wish you all the best too!



    Dear Roberta,

    Thank you for your answer.

    First of all I’m coming from Croatia in Europe so many if you are from US many thing work different here. We both come from a same city where our college was situated, so we both remained to live in our parents apartments for very long time. (very common at moment due to big cost of living and low salaries). We had 2 opportunities, aged 23 and 26 but at both we didn’t go for it. At first I was the one thinking that I’m not ready, I saw that as a very serious, adult thing at the moment. At 2nd attempt she was the one that wasn’t ready for some reason. Finally at 2020 we got a new opportunity and we went for it, ready to live together and comfront all that is coming with it but only one month after I got an offer to play proffesional abroad and we both left the country. Here we had to live with roomates at first, but last year we got better terms and are living alone for a year. Now that is our situation and where ever we live, we will be together.


    We got engaged recently and we are getting married this summer 🙂 Regarding kids, we are both avare that there is nothing more to wait, so I really hope we will go for it soon.


    I always loved my girlfriend and that is the reason we are still together, but at some moments of my life that feeling of missing out was very strong. This incident showed me that those things I thought I was missing, are not important for me as it is to have such a good person next to me. What I felt afterwards showed me how much I really care about our relatinoship, removed my concerns and helped me to realise that I don’t want or need sometihing like that in my life. After long time I don’t feel bad about missing out on something, I’m just feeling bad about ruining what I have instead.

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