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Danni

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  • January 13, 2016 at 3:42 am #92338
    Danni
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    Hello sivi, sorry for a late answer but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I have had the same thoughts and feelings lately, even though I wouldn’t hurt myself like that, the feeling is still overwhelming. I believe that by realizing that there is a problem in ones thought pattern, it is a a step forward to healing. Try to start by writing down your feelings as often as you can, it can be helpful. I hope you find your way!

    January 11, 2016 at 1:56 pm #92132
    Danni
    Participant

    Anita: I started seeing the psychotherapist for six months because I had a lot of hope in her and that she could help me. I would blame myself at first for not being able to connect with her so I stayed for so long to see if I could, maybe, eventually get the help I needed. I used to see her once a week the two first months and after that every other week.

    What happened there was that she would ask me questions about me about my situation and my childhood and I would answer. I felt like she was judging me when she got an answer from me that she did not like. There was no real communication at all, I see that now afterwards. She would tell me that my situation was not a big deal and that it was just a crisis that would blow over. And I believed her at first but in time I only got worse because I was not depressed over the fact that I was left by my ex but more because I did not love myself. I went to her to try to understand why I feel no love for myself, but she was only focusing on the fact that my ex left me.

    I remember thinking “Ofcourse he does not want me, who would?” and it was then that my world fell apart. I realized that I needed to make a huge change in my life.

    January 11, 2016 at 1:45 pm #92130
    Danni
    Participant

    Nekoshema, thank you for your answer. As for me when I get anxiety attacks, I let it get to me and for an hour or two and let myself almost drown in the emotions until they leave my body. I shall try and breathe through it the next time, thanks for your advice. I used to keep a journal before but I haven’t written in a long time and thinking about it know, I remember that I used to really enjoy it. I used to write two things I was grateful for every day when I was deep in my depression, just to try to feel happy about something and it actually worked after a while. I will start writing again.

    I too was very angry with my ex for a long time, blaming him for everything I felt. I wanted to “get back at him” and such but now after all is said and done all I am left with are the same emotions for myself and no emotions left for him so I understand the problem is within me and was never with him.

    Thanks for your tips, it gets me thinking!

    January 11, 2016 at 8:27 am #92104
    Danni
    Participant

    Thanks for answering me Anita.

    I have been in contact with a psychotherapist before but I did not feel that we connected on any level at all but I still went for about 6 months until I stopped going. I did not feel any better after the therapy with her, because, for me, it felt like she was not trying to understand me at all.

    I also believe that I am in need of a healing relationship, just having someone around who understands me. Not having that makes me feel terribly lonely. I used to be a happy teenager with a couple of close friends, but times change and everyone has moved on with their lives, which I understand.

    I sometimes think that this depression/anxiety has taken over my life, like I am not the one who is in control of it anymore. Everything evolves around this negative state of mind. Have you ever felt like this?

    I do not want to be this negative person anymore but I don’t know how to change my way of thinking and viewing myself. I just never feel good enough.

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