Hey David,

I found your topic while searching for the problem I’m having too — which is exactly the same as yours — I made an account on this website just to reply to you.

I have a happy relationship now, but feel it is not as intense as my ex-gf relationship — my ex also broke up a few times and got back together (but now I am with another gf I met after her; for 2 years!).

I wanted to tell you I figured out why we feel like this. The feeling we are describing is not actually love! It’s a combination of anxiety, not enough trust and a bit of love. This combination makes for that intense feeling. Actually that feeling means the relationship is unstable! Stable relationships should feel “plain” or even a bit “boring”, which is why we feel less intense with our new girlfriends; but that’s perfectly fine because that means you are mature now and that you can communicate well and you trust her a lot and can argue in an adult manner.

Congratulations, you’ve got a healthy relationship! Your previous one was bad, and she took advantage of you. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling that intense feeling for your ex; even as it seems to feel like love; it is not a healthy relationship, you wouldn’t want to be in that unstable relationship for your lifetime. Don’t doubt your love for your new gf and you’ll be fine!

I found this article is really helpful, as well as my own post I made here; have a look at my situation and the answers, you’ll see it’s pretty similar to yours.

I wish you the best and don’t let your girlfriend down! Don’t take your relationship for granted and you guys will soon be super happy together for a long time :-).

Let me know how it works out for you or if you have a question!