I totally understand how you are feeling, I feel it myself.
I am a little older, 35 and my children a little younger, 6 + 10, but I feel as though everything I do, is for everyone else and to meet others expectations.
I have a fabulous boyfriend, my kids are great and things look wonderful from the outside, I feel like I should be happy, and wonder what is wrong with me that I can’t be happy with all i have.
I’ve had years of counselling, and got to a point where he (my councillor) asked ‘why I am still going, I have all the answers and can rationalise everything’, so I stopped going. But things are no better.
I am often told to take time out and do what makes you happy, great idea, but I also don’t know what makes me happy.
I don’t know where I want to be, or how to get there. My ‘dreams’ are unrealistic considering the choices i have made. ie travelling
I think we expect a lot, of ourselves and others, and are so scared of getting things wrong, so we grip so tightly that we don’t see (or worse, DO see) we are strangling everything and everyone we hold dear.
Having said that, I’ve no idea how to ‘fix’ us. I’m, also hoping, someone may have the answers….
I’m all for cutting out toxic relationships, however i have learnt that family, however toxic, is very important. I limit my ‘exposure’ and try to take the best from each catch up.
don’t be to harsh on yourself it seems like you are genuinely trying to do the best you can. That IS enough.
…and my opinion is if it feels Toxic, it probably is.
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