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DeepSoul

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  • March 25, 2018 at 7:31 am in reply to: How can I be OK with vulnerability? #199349
    DeepSoul
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    Over the years she has often said that people need to be understanding of how it takes me a lot of time to come forward and express how I am feeling (I am 26 now).

    The most recent time I can think of  her saying this to me is a couple of years ago when I broke up with my boyfriend back in 2016 for a while. I couldn’t hide the heartache so she would be there for me. Though I would pick and choose what I would relay to her. I have always been careful about what I express and tell. At this time she said something along the lines of ‘he should know this about you, he should know it takes you a while to discuss problems. You have always been this way. Something would happen at school, or something would upset you but it would take you two-three weeks before telling me’

    I believe I was perhaps born this way. I haven’t known any different and nothing significant happened in my childhood to alter me in such a way.

    March 25, 2018 at 6:20 am in reply to: How can I be OK with vulnerability? #199329
    DeepSoul
    Participant

    Thank you Anita.

    When I think back I can see that my school life has had a serious impact on my adult life. I was bullied for years and didn’t make friends until I was 18. I guess you could say that I have trust issues and/or I fear abandonment as this is what happened in the past. I know in general I feel inadequate and unworthy – not just of life in general, but of the people in my life. I never feel good enough and I often wonder why my friends are my friends. What’s making them stick around? I don’t know. I don’t think highly of myself.

    I guess my lack of being able to be vulnerable stems from these past events. I keep people at a distance because I’m not good enough. I am not worthy of their kindness. I am not deserving of having someone be there for me.

     

     

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