Well, I have 3 other siblings.  We were VERY poor all growing up.  Pretty early on we were made aware that my Dad had a porn addiction back when he was in the navy and before he had kids.  Any movies we watched we had to fastforward through any sex scenes.  Also, my dad made kind of a lude comment to me when I was about 12 and I had my bathing suit on.  I don’t really want to say…he said to pull my suit out of my crotch because you could see what people call a p****.  I didn’t understand then, but later once I knew what that word meant, I realized how inappropriate it was for DAD to say that to me.  Also, when I was about 9, my dad was laying on my bed in my bedroom and I was coming in my room not realizing he was there.  I kinda hung back in the doorway and told me to come here.  It was a single bed and he’s a big over 200lb man, so I was like where?  And he said, you can just lay on top of me.  I just remember being terrified and not wanting to.  I don’t really remember if I did or not.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t.

It’s true, he has always been the person that made me feel something again.  My husband being 17 years older with me, didn’t do barely anything with me.  He put on a little extra weight and the sex had become so mundane.  I started feeling like a piece of meat, like an object.  I took care of everything, except for the finances.  I’ve always had a job, but didn’t make as much as him, so I just paid my own personal bills.  I got along great with his 4 kids that came every other weekend and blended in with the rest of his family quite nicely.  Everything was just comfortable and incredibly boring.  I just lost intimate feelings for him, even before Jason came along, so it wasn’t hard to fall for him again.

Sometimes though, I truly do believe that Jason has a touch of true crazy in him.  He can be so irrational.  Right now, my son has decided to stay with his Dad until he leaves, because if I let him, he’ll just keep procrastinating and really never leave.  I told Jason last night that my son’s not coming back until he leaves.  I was expecting him to have a huge temper tantrum, and was ready to with a secretly packed bag to exit the apartment if he did, but instead he was very calm and just sad.  We even made love for the first time in weeks.  Everyone thinks this should be easy for me to just get him out and gone, but it’s not.  I do love him.