Hello Alyssa,

I think we have same problems here. Sadly, I don’t have any internet friends. I have best friend, but I think she is forgetting about me and want to cut our relationship since she is now living in another country, has boyfriend, planning to get married and still continuing her study. I have two friends that understand me so much better but lately since we are too busy with our works, that connection getting weaker. I will meet them next week, anyway. Hopefully I can end this awkwardness.

in my school days, I always cornered and get the wrong judgement and punishment for the things I had not done. it’s happened because I was forced to do it. After being betrayed for so many times, I surrender. I don’t need any friends and it’s fine for being alone since you won’t get hurt. But in my university time, I choose university that it doesn’t have any connection with any connection with my past (since I grew up in the same city and my parents won’t let me go to another city). I changed myself, tried to be more opened and it works! I have many friends that I can really believe (this is the story for my current two friends, actually there are 5, but I’m closer with these two) and it lasts until now.

When I started to working in another city, I found myself alone. really alone. Without my family, friend I could really believe. My story just like you. Crying every night. Wear clothes, go to work, back home, and sleep. It IS really suffocating, indeed. But  after reading your story and after I studying why am I become like this… It is human’s nature to be social and private. It is normal.

I even tried to suicide. I was so desperate. I know no ones care about me since what they really care is THEMSELVES. How many times I got betrayed in the past told me this so that I won’t believe in anyone anymore. EVER. But I know, eventually, everything will changed. I have boss that believed  in me (well, it’s for work too) but here I am, still can’t move from the past. Having a war with ourselves is the toughest one. I admit it.

But please don’t give up. Even now you are walking in the rough path where there is no light and the path is so rough while you walk on it barefoot, please believe in tomorrow. Time will healing you. I believe, someone will reach out for you in the real world life.

it’s like I’m encouraging myself too..

Maybe this can help you, try to watch movie with genre mystery detective (murder case), law, criminal. Usually they will ended it with solution and teach us how to hang in there with ourselves. Personally, I will choose japan drama or movie, mostly have morals teaching, but sometimes it just psychopath..

hopefully this can help you..