“Congratulations for losing 79 pounds and moving from a BMI of 37.4 to a BMI of 23.9!

A healthy BMI is between 17.5 and 25.7 (very well health. com/ body health index), and you are within a healthy BMI range, very well done, Lulu.”

Thank you! I worked very hard to get this far and I’m still working on it. Some days are easier than others, but I haven’t quit yet.

“here is what I think may have been happening: in the process of losing weight, you experienced the euphoric feelings involved in successfully losing weight: the joy of seeing a smaller and smaller number on the scale, the joy of seeing yourself in the mirror more and more to your satisfaction, the joy of wearing smaller and smaller-size clothes, the joy of receiving compliments from people, the joy of success: joys that you didn’t experience before. Joys you want more and more of..?”

It’s a mix of all of them. I’ve been overweight for an incredibly long time Anita, throughout middle and high-school. And while I wasn’t exactly bullied, it was clear that people were uncomfortable with my size since I was one of the few black girls there, let alone a fat black girl. On top of doing it for health and fear of developing issues, I wanted to feel better about being in my own skin. I wanted to as least feel the same as everyone else who’s a smaller size.

“When a person continues efforts to lose weight at normal or below normal weight, that’s an eating disorder.”

I’m less worried about this because I do in fact have a goal weight and intentions to maintain that weight once I reach it. I don’t feel like it’s just aimless weight loss, I’ve set that goal when I was around 180 and now 40 pounds later, it hasn’t changed. Not saying I’m not concerned, but I do have a game plan.

“I am guessing that she didn’t say this when you were overweight, but she is saying it now that you are within a healthy BMI. Am I correct?”

The thing is that she hounded me when I overeat as well. I truly don’t feel as though I’m underrating. I don’t exactly count calories, but the days where I do eat, I eat until I’m nice and stuffed, go the gym the following day, and it keeps me satisfied. The only time I feel hungry is when I’m fasting, any other time, I make my meals from home rather than eating out, have watery sugar drinks, or low calorie sweets if I have a sweet tooth. I typically lose five pounds every two weeks now that I’m around a healthy weight whereas before, it was around ten pounds every two/three weeks. I know the weight loss is slowing down because I’m smaller and burn less calories, but I switched from OMAD to AF because I felt like I didn’t have enough time between meals.

“Best if you can see a medical doctor or a nurse practitioner so to get checked (blood work and such), review your fasting practice with the professional, and make recommended adjustments to it.”

I had a physical examination on the 25th of July for college, and the doctor said that all of my levels are normal whereas before, my blood sugar and cholesterol were abnormally high. Back when I was 209, the doctors said that I should start looking to lose weight for my health. I’m genetically likely to have diabetes since the women on my dad side usually do and because I was only one from my mom’s side who’s obese, it felt like it was just a matter of time.

”

A healthy BMI for you is between 17.5 and 25.7. Your BMI is 23.9, the higher end of healthy. You can lose more if you’d like, so to arrive at your goal weight. I would moderate my efforts, in your place, moderate and adjust the fasting routine to a slower rate of weight loss.

As far as exercise, I much prefer fast walking to running because it’s easier on the knees/ joints, and it has the same health benefits as running, as far as I know (you can research that, if you’d like).”

I did research and 125 at 5’4 would put me at a BMI of 22, which is right in the middle and I think works best for me. I don’t want to go under it because I know how my body is and my brain would have issues with being underweight as people tend to.

As far as exercise, I enjoy treadmill running on maximum incline at a speed of 3 for an hour. It makes me thighs sore, but I do enjoy it. I also like bike training, and weight lifting occasionally, but usually, the elliptical with maximum resistance or incline with maximum incline is good enough for me. I’ll definitely start incorporating some walks in there since I’m definitely a walking person.

The thing is, my mom has always pushed me to make healthy decisions. She warned me before I became overweight about the importance of eating healthy, and it felt like it went one ear and out the other. And as a result, there was the obesity. The issue wasn’t even necessarily that I just overeat, it was like I didn’t exercise at all. I eat, would drown myself in homework and reading because I didn’t feel good about myself. I’m sure I’ve said this, but I have major depressive disorder/generalized anxiety disorder and it worse during this times especially.

Now that I’m older and my mental illnesses have sort of calmed, I’m able to lose weight more essentially.

My mom wants me to eat in small meals while exercising, but my brain automatically wants to binge. My mom doesn’t want me to “starve myself for two days and then pig out on one day.”

Fasting helps me curb the binge while also just being easier for me to do mentally. Calorie counter every single day doesn’t work for me, hasn’t in the past and I doubt it will now.

I understand where my mom is coming from. I know she wants the best for me. I don’t doubt her love for me. But I also know that the way I’m going about losing weight is what I prefer and it feels like no matter how I do things, there’s always a problem. I just wanna get to a healthier weight and feel good physically and mentally. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

[quote quote=435678]Splitting food is also super helpful if you’re going out and portion sizes are massive. My old job had free doughnuts but they’re 500 calories for 1. Literally a quarter of a days worth of calories. Splitting the doughnut with a coworker who also wanted a nice treat while watching her weight. Totally achievable 1/8th of a days calories. Score![/quote]

Yeah, I use small bowls to split up my meals. It does wonders and it makes getting full easier since I’m not just wolfing down food.

Hello Anita! I have a few updates rn.

So unfortunately, my therapist has just ended my treatment plan. I’ve had him for about almost two years and he says that he believes that the issues I had when I first entered therapy have subsided.

I disagreed with him, and asked about continuing therapy deep into college and have yet to get a response from him, but my mom says she’s looking into it.

Yesterday, I looked into getting additional therapy and it seems the college I got into offer frees services and accommodations. I’m looking to getting an evaluation for autism once I turn 18 and the college also provides free psychologist services as well, so that’s good.

My financial aid for said school came back and my tuition is 5000 dollars a year. I got the maximum financial aid package as a result of my story, and I’m offically double majoring in Psychology and English Literature so I can pursue both writing and psychology.

Yesterday, I have also started my anti depressants again. I have prozac that I’m taking 10mg of every morning, and I’m hoping that if I stay consistent with the medication, unlike the first time I tried taking it, the effects may be better.

Tomorrow is prom day and I’m supposed to be surprising a friend of mine as she doesn’t know that I’m going. I’ve been out of school for almost 5 months now and just transferred back to my old school two days ago. I’m still nervous about whether or not I’m ready for college, but I’m hoping the prozac will ease the anxiety.

In terms of my sister, everything is going the same. We’re supposed to be moving back to Philly on the 31st, and then my mom is seeing about moving to North Carolina shortly afterward to which I’m talking to her about staying back at home at college so I can take care of the house we have here while they temporarily stay in NC.

My family seems a bit happier. My mom is very excited about me going to prom and I am as well. It’s going to feel weird seeing my friends again after a year of not being with them.

My mom got my dress yesterday for cheap and it’s very beautiful. She’s going to do my hair and prep my make up tonight.

Wish me luck Anita, and I’ll update on how Prom goes. I’ll be on the forum floating around until then. Thank you so much for your support thus far 🙂

Hello Anita. I want to say sorry for the very long rant, I’m sure it was a chore to read through, but I didn’t have any other place to put my thoughts concisely.

I was on reddit for a bit, but that ended up not helping me, lol, so I decided to come here. I wanted to find a place for mindfulness and a safe space to just exist with other people outside of real life.

About my other thread earlier, my current goal is to be someone like you. I’ve always felt the urge to really get into the grit of psychology, but the main thing I wanted to do was make a difference in the lives of others. I can definitely see why you wanted to go into psychology; you’re doing amazing just with this forum and have helped so many people that you’ve become almost if not a full time therapist.

All of this is just to say, I really hope everything gets better Anita. I haven’t been feeling sure of myself like I used to, and even though I have the opportunity to succeed, I’m feeling doubt on if I even deserve it. People call it imposter syndrome, anxiety, etc etc, but it’s real and it’s alive and it sometimes feels like it’s eating me.

I think that at this point, if I could become half the person I aspired to be, that would be enough for me in life. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this 🙂