Hey dear blessing,

Life is like a ride, or can say a two wheeler vehicle- we need to balance both the wheels in a way so not to lose the balance.
Oh it is your husband’s second marriage, and how do you deal with that? I can understand how challenging it must be for you.
I have given up, I am really tired and exhausted of putting up with that stress and fear, really I am exhausted. I do not want to fight with him, yes still there are certain things which bothers me to the core, but I am avoiding because when i present it to them, he does not like my way of approaching to him that I am always complaining, and when I say something then he does not like why am i expressing even, and if i do not he misses that as well. Like he wanted to spend too much on kitchen utensils and extras on saturday morning, I did not stop him for anything, because that dialogue he said in our last fight is still in my mind ” You are controlling my life” I have told him enough that we need to balance our finances. So i remain quiet and continued to help him in shopping, everytime he picks something up and he asks me can I, or how do you find this? He was examining my expressions and I was really fine, yes was feeling something inside that we do not need to spend that much money, but I was quite as financial year is ending this month and he will get this money back from his tax and all. wE can claim as he is a CHEF by profession, so he can get some kitchen tools for himself. I continued to be quiet and he said later on, hope its not the silence before the storm, I said no i am perfectly fine with this shopping, you love kitchen tools and i love clothes so its fine, after this i will do my shopping 😉 . after my shopping he made some sarcastic comments too, but i took it in a healthy way, because I remember what happened when i felt bad on his joke of me eating too much, so I know the anger is just for the moment and later on I have to pay huge cost- in terms of time, availability for eachother and then wasting time in making up because its always me who is saying sorry at the end, because I do not want to drag to the next day, and due to which i have started feeling so small, small in terms as if I am the only one who is full of flaws and all. Thats why I continued to remain calm and i laugh on his sarcasm notes, i took it in a healthy way. and then he went for his bachelor’s party. today I was at work and he sent a message to me telling me about sudden change in his shift timings, and for three days, we wont be saying each other because when I finish his shift starts, and he sent a text saying i have got different shifts for the next 3 days i replied saying that is fine, thats okay. He said are you fine with htis, I replied saying yes, absolutely. Then he said can we talk I am on a short break, if possible for me. I rang him and he said we can go somewhere on the weekend, if I want. I reminded him of the dinner invite we have from one of his friend. He said check if that is not confirmed, we cna go out. I didnt say anythigm neither I am believing him, because he normally believes in saying things and he does not do that. Especially such things of taking me out, to have our alone time. He prefers to go out in group and with people along. and i know our car is not in a condition that we can go out and I ended the conversation saying yeah thats fine, we will see once weekend comes.
Thanks Anita for being there with me . I love you.

Stay blessed and healthy.

Dear Blessing,
Thank you so much, you are the best. I will work on my communication skills. I know its the different work timings are causing this trouble.
Thank you once again for being there Blessing.

I love you

Dear Blessing,

Really do not know what to write and what not to… I have a mixed feeling today, one part of me feeling good and one part of me not feeling good. Do not know what is it about. I am not a bad soul, then why do I have these challenges to face. Anyways there isn’t anything to worry about but still not feeling happy. One moment I am feeling to high and the other moment. I feel so bad and sad when my husband does not reply to my message, I am so much dependent on him, but I got your message to apply the EAR Concept. I have promised myself to be calm and positive all throughout my relation. Because listening is really important in the relation. I do listen, but i end up judging him more. While he is telling me something. I do not like changes, he has not changed though, but he is being alert now coz I can feel he is hurt by the things happen between both of us every now and then. Now he is just trying to stay away a bit so as not be hurt later on. because what is happening, we fight, we make up and then again after good lively days we again end up fighting. I do not even know what I am writing to you Blessing. I am just writing whatever is coming up in my mind. the problem with me is I want things to be alright next moment of the fight, i cannot put up with the changes and bitterness the fight leaves, and we stupid guys are fighting over such a petty issue, which has no value at all… Anyways let it be, I think he is hurt, because sometime back he deleted his so called online ex gf from his facebook, they had not been talking ever since we got married, but i mentioned her twice in our conversation and he deleted her because he does not want to have frictions between us because of something which does not exist between us anymore, but he did not like that either. Once a week, we have got one or the other issue to fight about which are not that big at all.
Blessing, to be honest I do not know what I am writing to you… I just do not know, I am writing what is coming in to my mind. Thank you Blessing for being there. I have got someone who can listen to all what i have in my mind, and in return I know I am not being judged. I can express openly what is running in my mind, I feel so good, that everyday I can pour my heart out my feelings out.. I am not a bad soul, people in our group here calls us love birds, but that charm is going away, I do not want to lose that … I do not know whether is going away or not, last saturday only we had our ME time, we spent it so beautifully, it was so romantic.. wE never had such time together before. Anyways thanks GOD for those beautiful memories. I do not know how to take these changes after the fight, anyways I hope all goes well. I will be able to have that affection and madness back in my relation.
Hope he will continue to feel, love is a beautiful feeling…
We used to thank alot to eachother for being in each other’s life and now I think he thinks other way.
He is scared because of the frequent fights we have been into.
for this moment, thanks for considering me as your friend.Thank you for being there. Thank you is really a small word, what you are doing to me in return.. You are answering everything, what i have in my mind, stupid weird thoughts.

I love you Blessing.

Have a blessed day.

Hey Anita,
Thank you for writing to me. Yeah i got it. I will do deep breathing often. I messed up last night completely. It was not intentional but do not know how to take things now. Things and issues are always minute between us, but they are taking wrong shapes. They are going out of control now. Earlier he used to forget about the fights, now he sticks to all. We again had issue last night for nothing again over a small thing, I was eating and eating and he objected you have been eating since evenign and I felt bad on that.
I did not talk to him for 2 hours, I went off to sleep and i spoke to him around mid night and then he was so irritated . I did not start humbly i was so angry and irritated that he did not come to me to talk. Anyways do not know where the life is going. The issue was not that big but till today morning we had issues over that and he is not convinced and we are not talking to each other. Enough, I do not know how to put up with this mess. and I do not even want to lose this relation. I think its the stress at the new job.

Hey Anita,

I am looking forward to hear from you.
I love you Anita and thank you for being there.

Anita,

Good morning, How are you? How do you manage to do that all that. Reading mindset just so accurately.
Well I am doing good, feeling better less of Anger. Yes you are right, the mindset does not remain the same- its all hormones how they respond ;). It has fluctuations, sometimes to high and sometimes too low. So far its going good, dealing with it in a nicely manner. My husband is going out this weekend to have a break with his male friends for a sleep over, and he was asking my permission. Should I go or not? And i was forcing him to go and have sometime with your friends. Anyways i am feeling good about it, not sad at all. Thats fine with me. I feel sometimes I am too judgmental. But anyways everything is going smoothly so far.
I could not agree more the way you have explained every situation, yes mind set changes, the situation changes. Like today for an example i tell you, my husband and I, we both daily send texts on reaching to our respective workplace, but today he did not send me a message and I am alright, I mean I might bring this in the evening or probably when I get to speak to him. Earlier I used to get really upset, that he does not forget to check other social networking sites before starting his work, but how can we forgets to prioritize me before that. But Today I was completely different, I did not spend a minute thinking about it. Earlier I used to think a lot a lot over such tiny issues, thinking how can he forget, I do not forget such things. I used to start with such a negative mood, thinking about why does he always forgets me. and in return I never used to send him a text but today i did differently I sent him a text when I left n reached. You must be thinking” How stupid of me” Thinking over such a petty things n issues. But they sometimes means a lot. Anyways here All i am trying to explain – the shift in thinking pattern. I am alright, i do not have that anger feeling or something. Yes i do have this in my mind that he has not send the text and he was checking other social sites, but that’s fine. I can’t be fake, had i not wanted to send him a text I would not have. But I did with a smiley. But that’s true these small things do matter to me, probably I do not have enough friends here and I am too much into my husband, or I expect too much from him… Do not know what it is…

I do not know sometimes I wonder ppl are dying on this planet without meal, they are jobless. there is so much pain in this planet and we are running after such an idiotic things. Poor ME.

Thank you Anita, You mean alot to me. thanks for being there with me.. I have someone who listens to me everyday and above all who has answers to my things…

love2travel84,

Thank you for the comment on my blog. I really appreciate your time and views on this. Thank you for the recommendation I will get this book, since I love reading and wanna help myself and live a happy life, with a healthy mind set.. I wanna be helpful to the community but for that I myself have to be complete and healthy.
I will read the book for sure. Thank you once again. I liked your idea, I have experienced sometime back on going out with my friends, they are actually his friends, and after marriage their respective wives are my friends and we made a day out with all the girls and he sent me a text on reaching home, that I miss you 😀 😉 but anyways I just wanna cut the root of this negativity. Wanna do the ground work so that Can plant a tree of positivity and love.

Thank you.
Stay Blessed

Anita, you are indeed a blessing to me. After reading the above post, I just couldn’t control my tears.. I am feeling so good and elated that there is someone who can listen to me, who knows exactly what I am going through. I am not insane, I am such a happy soul but I am struggling with insecurity and fear.
No my husband communicates quite often, we both love each other. The best part i like about my relation, we don’t miss out on saying I LOVE YOU to each other before hanging the phone… Really when I am writing the good things, I am feeling that there are so many blessings in life that I need to thankful for.. Its just that human tendency of worrying takes away lot of your happiness.
Yes as far as mom is concerned, yeah during their tough times not in general. Parents have done enough for three of us. Its just we couldn’t do enough for them. Anyways I have a beautiful relation with my husband, but sometimes the negative thoughts, and negative feelings creates such stupid vibes and they communicate somehow. Because Vibes are the fastest mode of communication. I know he is a very honest man now… everyone has past and I dont want to dwell in any of us past, and above everything we both love each other. He listens to me everyday after job. He is a gem. He shares household work with me.He takes care of things, but you know sometimes, human has a habit of pointing out what he/she doesn’t have than feeling grateful for what they have… Thats why it always says count your blessings rather than counting your worries, than you would know life is really beautiful.
I am thankful for the kind of life I have now, I do not want to waste it in over thinking and with fear and all.. I just to live and enjoy.
THank you I will apply this, I know facing the fear is the only solution. And I have got nothing to lose I know. 🙂
Spirit, yes I am a strong person I know. If i decide to do something and take up that as a challenge.. No matter what I will achieve it.. Thats how I am 🙂
But you know what, I am really feeling great and on top of the world after speaking to you and pouring my heart out.. i really wanted to pour it out. I have off lately started writing about my feelings. BEcause I just cannot keep it inside my heart. I wanna feel light. Dont want to keep things in my heart…
Thank you Anita and I LOVE YOU for being there.
God cannot be physically here, thats why he has his sources to convey his messages….