Awww. It feels so great. I am really touched by the lines you wrote. I love you for being so kind. That someone cares for me, thank you Anita.
I really need someone to talk to, I really wanna pour my heart out. My soul doesnt allow me to put things inside, i feel so heavy. that’s why i have now started writing, I used to write alot earlier but after marriage i stopped for some reason. Now I do write to feel light and good. You wont believe I used to write letters addressing to GOD when i was probably in 6th standard, whenever my mom used to scream at me for some unwanted reason, so for that reason used to do Diary entry. Anyways it really feels amazing when you have someone who can answer back to what you write and you are simply GREAT. I guess you read just as what is their in the mind. I am not a bad soul, probably my journey here is bit challenging or my karmic account has to be balanced in a way that i have to clear off these SANSKARAS that are in me.
I am trying to pacify myself by believing that FEAR is not real. Because I really wanna live my life, without fears. Yes i have a memories from my childhood, I am being raised in a situations where I saw my dad losing business, I had a lavish beginning in the start and eventually dad lost business at the time of my higher education, then brother took over in some time we gained back what we lost but again he lost it at the time of me getting married. And after that it was more worse but even in those situations, my parents will get me married, or GOD will arrange it that way, I would have never imagined, I guess no one has ever imagined. I lost a relation in the early age, which has left some bad memories, not really memories but i was too young for that to call it memories, so I developed so many fears within me. That i might lose things, I have dealt alot already, been through really tough situations, but the scarcity in relations, changes in relations, I cannot take it. I lose everything. I am quite an energetic person, but all my energy drains in these fears and over thinking pattern.. I wanna live my life, I want to be happy, I do not want to be insecure, I am quite judgmental I feel. I am really working hard on myself, by today self affirmation talks, by doing meditation. Off lately hearing BRAHMAKUMARIS, if you have heard of it. Just to feel good and wanna change my thinking pattern. I do not want to be that Obsessive. I love you Anita, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there and Understanding . Help me with this FEAR… How should I Kill that. my insecurities or fear of losing this relation, has stopped me from enjoying my own life. And days are just passing by. Thank you Anita, how to express but feeling really great that finally those letters are being answered. 🙂
Stay blessed