It’s hard to explain or to pinpoint why I would quit trying. I do know that when we would spend time together, things were great. But after that there would always come a time when I would want to do my own thing. Not go out and party or run around, but just spend time by myself. It sounds selfish and is in fact selfish when it comes to her side of the relationship. I know after thinking back, virtually every time we decided to end things it was mainly due to my lack of effort and several times I only agreed to try again because she reached out to me. Now that she finally had enough and is on her own, I’m the one who is struggling with how things ended. Why can’t I view the end of everything through the same lenses I did when I wanted things to end? I should feel relief that the cycle of break ups and make ups is over, but I feel the opposite. What’s crazy is I know that even if for some odd reason she did say we should try it again that within a few months or a year or two, that same pattern would most likely kick in, as that’s what always happened. Maybe I’m addicted to that dysfunction without realizing it.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by DH.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by DH.