Thanks so much Tee.  So before Covid we had the kids one week on one week off. Because of our house we only had two bedrooms as the other one had been flooded. So her son slept in his own bed but it was in our bedroom. Once we had the other room finished her daughter went into that bedroom and her son went into his own bedroom.

Im not easy to sleep with as I snore loudly and about 4 months before our separation my wife said she needed her own bed as she wasn’t getting good sleep. So we bought a bed and set it up in the basement. This now allowed her son to start sleeping with her again. I didn’t mind because at least she was getting better sleep.

Once her mom moved in, her mom took my bed which basically left me with no bed to sleep on, so I had to sleep on the couch. Did I resent that her son was sleeping in her bed while I was on the couch?  Yes I can honestly say part of me did. Maybe that’s me being selfish, I don’t know.

I would love to hear more about self parenting. I am in therapy right now however I’m not sure if I have the right therapist. I’ve also done a lot of reading and watching videos on attachment styles. Again, thanks for your help.

Thank you for the reply. I agree 100%. And I’ve learned a lot about myself since the separation. I’ve learned that I have attachment trauma stemming from things in the past. I’ve learned that I’m an anxious pre occupied style of attachment. I’ve learned those things and understand now what could have been different. And yes she is a care taker and does take on that role.

And it’s funny you mention that we were seeing one another in secret after the separation. I wasn’t sure if she had told anyone but she said that the kids did know about it. In fact (and here’s an important point) she said that when the kids got back after a weekend at their dads, that they started crying when they found out I was with her. I understand they’re young and don’t fully understand everything but I think this has played a role. It’s just hard now that she has kind of cut communication and doesn’t want to go see the concert we bought tickets for. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t want to open up, maybe it’s because she finds it too hard to see me. I don’t know. I’m trying to let it go but I take things personally like I did something wrong. It’s again my lack of self worth and things I have to sort out by myself. I thank you again for your reply and if you want to reply again I would like to hear more.

Well I know we did jump into things quickly. Her son is super attached to her and yes there is a lack of boundaries there. He was still sleeping in her bed. I know I made mistakes (we both did) no infidelity or anything but we both enjoyed our drinks on the weekends together and maybe she didn’t want that anymore. But I don’t think that this was a big factor. Maybe a small one. Also, as stated I was a bit needy and wasn’t really getting any of my needs met. But again, I know this is something I can work on. When her mom started living with us I was unhappy but I put up with it and didn’t really voice my feelings and she probably sensed that as well. I don’t know. I know it’s hard having a blended family but she had even said that she would go to marriage counselling before leaving, however that didn’t happen. She’s very independent and I think she just wanted to be a single mom again and not have the responsibility of being a wife as well. I don’t know. All this has left me very confused as I haven’t really had any closure but I’m trying to move on without that.  Again, I want to be hopeful as not a lot of this makes sense except I know that maybe had I stayed things would have become worse. We hold no ill will or bad feelings towards each other and I guess that’s a good thing.