Carly;

I was physically and sexually abused my adoptive parents. In the fifteen years I lived with them, I suffered greatly. I desperately wanted to feel loved and wanted, but instead I felt as if I was worse than garbage. I often wondered if I was only adopted so that they could abuse me. I have seen many different types of counselling over the past 30 years to improve my life situation.

It happened, it has affected you, and will probably continue to affect you for the rest of your life. You will find healing is an iterative process. You will get better / deal with certain aspects of your circumstances and feel “healed.” Something else might come up a few years later and need to be dealt with. I know that this has been true for myself.

What I have found most helpful is a type of therapy call “Tapping” or “EFT” or another type called EMDR. I found these very helpful in processing my own trauma.

Also, forgiveness is important. You must forgive your family, yourself, and yes even the person who hurt you so deeply. I don’t know if you are still a Christian (it took me years to return to the church). God does not make things like this happen. It happened because the person who hurt you was broken in some way. Their suffering and their brokenness changed them into a person who could behave so wrongly. The most important thing for you to remember is that you did nothing wrong. What happened was not some sort of cosmic punishment for something you did, something you are going to do, or something you did in a past life (if you believe in past lives.)

True forgiveness takes time. Forgiveness does not mean that what they did was okay, that it didn’t matter, that it wasn’t that bad. What happened was awful, it will always be awful. Forgiveness means not holding on to the pain, suffering, anger, sadness, ambivalence, fear, as if they define who you are now. In this way I think Buddhism has a lot to offer us. Titch Hat Nanh has written some really great books on suffering and forgiveness.

Blessings and healing Carly.