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Elizabeth

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  • January 29, 2020 at 11:22 am in reply to: Ended relationship but now feel anxiety/regret? #335660
    Elizabeth
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    Hello Anita,

     

    It was a very intense, obsessive relationship. I felt as though I was being smothered at Times. Our sex life suffered as a result. He was a passive person which irritated me sometimes. He would agree with whatever I said if I pushed it enough. However I loved him as a person. He loved me, we had good communication, we talked all the time, we were true partners. However my friends and family did not think we were right for each other, that we were too different. His friends dislike me for the same reason.

    It was also my first relationship and I never wanted to settle down with the first man just in case it was a mistake. I wished we had met when I was older. I yearned for other experiences so that I could truly know for sure I wanted to spend my life with him. I was jealous of my single friends, not in that they could see other people but the freedom they had in general. Meanwhile, he wanted us to move in together and it gave me fear.

    I miss him so much but I do not know if it is because he is with another woman now. She could be the “one” for him. He appears happy. It is killing me, my heart is aching. I keep thinking about how well he treated me and how he is treating her now. It is tearing me up inside. I want him back but I can’t at the same time. What if he leaves her for me, we try again, and the same doubts occur? It would not be fair. Everyone is telling me I must meet other people and date but I am depressed and cannot bring myself to be interested. All the aspects that stressed me before, having to call every day and speak every day, I truly miss. I feel as though I don’t deserve him after all of this.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Elizabeth.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Elizabeth.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Elizabeth.
    January 26, 2020 at 1:28 pm in reply to: Ended relationship but now feel anxiety/regret? #335206
    Elizabeth
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

     

    I am beginning to wonder if I need psychotherapy as well but it is simply too expensive.

     

    Is it possible to speak over private messages, I would feel more comfortable that way so that I can go in depth?

     

     

    January 26, 2020 at 1:02 pm in reply to: Ended relationship but now feel anxiety/regret? #335198
    Elizabeth
    Participant

    Hi Inky,

    Thank you. It is difficult because I was ‘the one’ for him he wanted to settle down with. He says he still feels that way even though he is in another relationship now. I can’t ask him to be casual. I feel like I need to figure out what it is I want before I approach him again – this was my first relationship. But it hurts so much to see him with someone new. What if after experience I realise he is the one for me but then it is too late?

    January 26, 2020 at 11:34 am in reply to: Ended relationship but now feel anxiety/regret? #335178
    Elizabeth
    Participant

    Thank you Anita for your response 🙂

    My parents didn’t have a great marriage and still don’t.  They argued all the time and are miserable with each other. They pretty much hate each other. Thats what I grew up with and truly thought was normal. I thought every marriage ends like this.

    So perhaps thats why I run away. I get deathly scared of relationship commitment. It’s not in the sense that I want to sleep around, but rather I fear I start to lose my freedom, independence and individuality. I wish I wasn’t like this.

    But I couldn’t tell if this was a problem within me and he was the right person – or that perhaps he was just simply the wrong person. So I had to end it. Everyone around me said it was the right decision, that we weren’t suited, but I still miss him and it aches to already see him move on. My heart wants to get back with him but my head says no as do my friends.

     

    The anxiety is indeed exhausting, as it the constant analysing thats going on in my head.

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