Hello Anita,

It was a very intense, obsessive relationship. I felt as though I was being smothered at Times. Our sex life suffered as a result. He was a passive person which irritated me sometimes. He would agree with whatever I said if I pushed it enough. However I loved him as a person. He loved me, we had good communication, we talked all the time, we were true partners. However my friends and family did not think we were right for each other, that we were too different. His friends dislike me for the same reason.

It was also my first relationship and I never wanted to settle down with the first man just in case it was a mistake. I wished we had met when I was older. I yearned for other experiences so that I could truly know for sure I wanted to spend my life with him. I was jealous of my single friends, not in that they could see other people but the freedom they had in general. Meanwhile, he wanted us to move in together and it gave me fear.

I miss him so much but I do not know if it is because he is with another woman now. She could be the “one” for him. He appears happy. It is killing me, my heart is aching. I keep thinking about how well he treated me and how he is treating her now. It is tearing me up inside. I want him back but I can’t at the same time. What if he leaves her for me, we try again, and the same doubts occur? It would not be fair. Everyone is telling me I must meet other people and date but I am depressed and cannot bring myself to be interested. All the aspects that stressed me before, having to call every day and speak every day, I truly miss. I feel as though I don’t deserve him after all of this.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by Elizabeth.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by Elizabeth.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by Elizabeth.

Hi Inky,

Thank you. It is difficult because I was ‘the one’ for him he wanted to settle down with. He says he still feels that way even though he is in another relationship now. I can’t ask him to be casual. I feel like I need to figure out what it is I want before I approach him again – this was my first relationship. But it hurts so much to see him with someone new. What if after experience I realise he is the one for me but then it is too late?