Thanks Daisy.

We have agreed to give each other some space so that we can both work on ourselves. For me – time to heal for him to work out what he needs from a relationship. We have also agreed to wipe the slate clean and literally start from the beginning again. And that we need to ensure that we both work at this relationship and to communicate with actually listening…. if that makes sense. I’ve told him where my insecurities come from and he has tried to explain to me his. He finds talking about emotions very foreign and struggles to articulate what he is feeling.

So time will tell and hopefully we are one of those couples who will survive

I think he would if he knew how. He has been in the militany for most 25 years and has always put his career first. He has never had a full time relationship. He says the right things but I keep thinking of my past where most of my relationships ended with me being cheated on. He says he will fix this, that he wants it to work. But he hasn’t done anything to show it. Well not the way I want him to – is that because my expectations are too high?

For instance we are both sick with the flu. He fell sick first and I went over to bring him some medicine and cook and keep him company. I texted him to check if he was ok. Now that I am I’ll I haven’t heard from him since this mowning. He stopped by yesterday to drop off some medicine and then left. I know he has been online but he hasn’t read my messages. It freaks me out. Because I keep feeling something bad is going to happen because it always seems to happen. Am I just inviting bad things in?

I want to be this strong independent woman who doesn’t need anyone to make me happy but I don’t know how to find myself again. To make him work for it and realise how lucky he is (without sounding big headed). I want to be able to sit back and think right I haven’t heard from him it’s not the end of the world. But since the beginning I’ve needed his reassurance and I’m probably driving us both mad with it. I’m probably the reason why he needed reassurance from his ex. I don’t know how to find myself and me myself happy without depending on someone to do it for me. I’m 34 years old and this is the first time I am living on my own. Pathetic how I’ve always needed someone to look after me