Hi Eliana, thanks.

No I’m not religious . I’ve gone to the doctors and have been put on anti depressants. As I’ve I am dealing with pretty bad anxiety, I didn’t realise but I had it with my ex due to dealing with his drinking issues and behaviour towards me. I’ve also got an appointment booked with a counsellor so hopefully it helps with my mental health. And I need help with creating boundaries and standing up for myself as he was emotionally abusive at times. I didn’t realise it had gotten that bad until I was removed from the situation.

Thanks, Emma

Hi Anita,

Thank you. You hit the nail on the head by saying his is impulsive. No he will never contact me again asking to be in a relationship with me. We live in different states, so I’ll never see him and I blocked and deleted him from all social media, so he can’t contact me. He has my email address but he wouldn’t email me. I also made it clear to him to never contact me. He also made it clear on his part that he would never ever want to be with me. He said to me that he would never want to be with me, just saw me as a friend, he doesn’t love/like me, and if we tried he would just like someone else like he liked that other girl. That might of be his impulse talking, but he hurt me too much to even consider it. To be honest there is a part of me hoping that he will send me an email saying how much he regrets what he has done. I just need to keep thinking that it is for best, which it is as it forces me to work on my mental health. And I can’t be dealing with a lifetime of his impulsive nature. Also I don’t think he realises that he deserves that. I just think that when everything settled that he will realise what he has done, and he will be depressed because he realises what he has lost. But if he hadn’t done that to me then, I’m sure it would of got progressively worse.

Hi Anita, thank you. I know it’s only been a week since it’s happened, but I am finding it very hard to deal with it all today. I’m just so sad. Everyone is telling me that it was for the best, and why I shouldn’t be with someone like that. As I have seen his true colours and for him behaving the way he did. I understand that I will be better off in the long run. However I just keep thinking about everything that happened to me. I’m finding it hard to be alone again, I don’t miss him I just miss the idea of him. I just have to think of all the times he put me down to feel better about himself. And for when he made me feel bad , when he was feeling negative himself. This year I was so confident and I feel like he has changed that in a blink of an eye . At least I am going back home to an amazing network of loving friends and family. Who I have a strong and close relationship with.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Emma.

Hi Anita, I know you wouldn’t know but do you think he will regret his decision? I don’t want to go back with him as he made that pretty clear, and the way that he treated me I wouldn’t take him back. I think he is going back to Australia because he has nothing left. Do you think he will regret what he has done? Or regret losing me? Maybe when he gets home his emotions will change?

I don’t think he will contact me as I have deleted and blocked him off all social media. However his friend messaged me to say don’t let what he has done make me go back home. He made a mistake. And she told me that he did the best situation, and would I want to go away with him even though he doesn’t feel the same.

i think I am overthinking things now and need to move on. As, as you can see we weren’t  really compatible with what we want in life in terms of jobs and responsibilities.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Emma.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Emma.

Hi Eliana,u

Apparently he isn’t with her anymore. His friend messaged me saying to not let what he did to me make me want to leave and go home. Obviously he had only told her his part of the story. She said to me that he did what he thought was best situation and would I of wanted to go away with him if he didn’t feel like that anymore. It’s still a cutting comment. I still feel like he got cold feet. I told her that it obviously wasn’t the best situation telling me the night before, lying and cheating on me. She also told me that he still cares and doesn’t hate me – for someone to do that to me, he obviously doesn’t care. I told her thanks for messaging me but I need to move on delete him from my life and get on with it. I feel like she just messaged me to help him, she wasn’t there so wouldn’t understand everything that happened between us. I still feel like he is using it as an excuse to justify his cold feet/commitment issues.

I was born in England, but moved to Australia when i was little. My ex’s dad is from England. Yes, we both individually planned on moving to London, coincidentally. Yes this was as i prepared to go travelling and move back to Australia. He let me hand in my resignation and encouraged me when i was nervous in doing so (this was a month before he broke up with me), he knew my job would offer lots of promotion and a good career. Whereas he was in a dead end retail job which he hated. He let me organise to move out the room of my flat (which we shared) yet i had to sort everything out, and he knew i was stressed in doing so. I found someone to move in the same time i handed in my resignation and she moved in a week before we were meant to go travelling. He handed in his resignation a week before we were meant to go away. He had gone travelling around europe for four months with his brother from March to July. He worked in this dead-end job before he left to go travelling then, and they let him come and work there again after he came back in July. When he came back , he was on a new contract and because of this he was still in his 3 month probation period, so only needed to give a weeks notice. The girl he cheated on me with worked at the dead-end job as well, they were only talking for a few weeks. I only know this, because when he lied to my face and said that he hadn’t cheated and would not do that to me, i messaged him when he left and asked him again. I said did you cheat on me, and he said again that he would not hurt me. I didn’t trust him, and had felt uneasy the last week we were together. So i logged into his Facebook on my laptop. I saw that he had been talking to her for two weeks, there was nothing romantic however, the day he broke up with me he said to her i had a really good time last night (when he cheated) can i see you today. I ended it with Emma, i am in her bad books – i was shocked, he was more than in my bad books. So i think he had been talking to her about our relationship for weeks. i don’t know why he couldn’t of come and spoken to me about it – i am the one who is in the relationship with him! I asked him if he could meet up with me that night to get closure, he said no he was busy. And from the Facebook messages i could see that it was because he was meeting up with her.  And another girl who he works with messaged him saying you hooked up with (the girls name), what are you going to say to Emma, you are going away tomorrow. I am so embarrassed that he has been discussing our relationship at work with everyone, and that neither girl cared that he had cheated on me. When i confronted him about it, i dont think he was going to ever tell me. He said he couldn’t tell me to my face on the Saturday when he broke up with me – he just lied and lied. I have let him know throughout the relationship, if he ever cheated on me it would be over. When he found out that i had gone on his facebook he was so angry, but i told him that i only went on there because he wouldn’t tell me the truth. He said please not do it again. To be honest i didn’t trust him throughout the whole relationship, i would check on his phone from time to time. I didn’t like when he went out, this was because he can’t handle his drink and blacks out (so anything could of happened). If we ever went out i would either have to take care of him, or he was just ignore me and be rude. Maybe that was his real personality coming out? I would often resent him as i had to take care of him, or upset as he would leave me. I should of trusted my gut feeling. He was also good at lying to me. Yes I moved out the day after he broke up with me, as we were staying on the couch until we left to go travelling, which was for a week. I couldn’t stay in the flat as it had too many memories. He was meant to pick up some of his stuff as he left some when he moved out. When he was out i was angry and chucked out some of his favourite clothes that he had got travelling. He had ignored all my messages to him after he broke up to me, however the only one he replied to was the one about his things getting thrown out. He said to me, that it wasn’t fair that i chucked some of his things out. He didn’t care about all the things that i had lost.

HI Anita, we were going out for 1.5 years but official for 1 year. We are both from Australia but from different states. We met travelling and we were both moving to London after, and that’s where we were living now. He moved out in with his auntie and uncle, and I have moved out to my family (as we both are part English we both have family here). Yes he booked and paid for everything. When we ended it, I made him pay me what I had spent back. However I’m still out of pocket for my flight home, and I need to buy another one. I contacted his parents about him paying me back , as he has been very nasty/hasn’t been replying and frankly I don’t want to speak to him. He has recently sent my housemate a message saying that if Emma wants to ask me what I “owe” her she can. I didn’t want to get them involved but I also wanted them to know and I thought it was the only Option for me at the time. I’ve made him cancel the whole trip as he said we had to go together or not at all. He said we could go as friends, but obviously I didn’t want thet.