I do know how you feel because I think we all fear death and the death of our loved ones is almost unbearable because it’s hard to imagine our lives without these people there.  I lost my father and mother 4 months apart 14 years ago and I was going through an enormous amount of stress as a single mom dealing with some bad behavior from my exes and then my parents passed.  The only thing that helped me at the time was that I threw myself into working on a Presidential campaign (not a mainstream candidate) and focused all of my energy on this campaign which was absolutely very tough work.  I still had my job and kids to care for but I put my grief into political work which enabled me to rise above my own personal life and think of the bigger picture of world events such as stopping the Iraq war and many other issues.   It helped me to gain a bigger broader perspective on life.  We are all born and we are all going to die, so therefore what is the meaning of our lives.  What can we do to make the world a better place because we have lived.   I guess maybe I’m suggesting that you try to find something to do that makes you feel like you are engaged in something that can carry you through tough times,  maybe some volunteer work.  Pursue those long term goals that you have.  Stay busy, stay focused and it will help you become stronger.