As for the one who loves more than he loves you- Perhaps my experience and conclusion will make sense to you: in a past relationship I did things and questioned whether I should, asked myself, was I being too much of a doormat for doing this or that? (a friend who I am very irritated with right now would have no hesitation telling me I was one.) I thought about these things and asked myself, well, when I do something nice for him, am I looking for a reciprocating action? Or not? I decided to do things for me, because I wanted to do them, not because I expected a thank you when I cleaned up my ex boyfriend’s truly disgusting apartment, or when I made dinner. It meant I regretted a lot less about my actions in that relationship once it ended. I think things were easier for me that way. Some way through the relationship I decided I was not going to regret doing things that I didn’t seek a reward for. And I still don’t.

Perhaps you need to decide, what parts of this relationship are worth doing regardless of his reaction? How much of your action is because you want the reward he will give back? and how much are you doing simply because you like to, even if he will never notice? To me, there are doormats, and there are people who are self sacrificing, and the difference is in the intention. Doormats are looking for a reward when they do something, but don’t realize they will never get that reward, so continue doing the same things. This means doormats wind up disappointed. People who are self sacrificing do things because they want to, not because they want the reward. Or perhaps there is a reward in self sacrifice, but it comes from within and not from your boyfriend. The self sacrificing sort are well aware that they may never get any reward back from said boyfriend/ friend/ relative/ etc. and are ok with that. To me, this seems like a much easier way of living.

And there are things that merit reciprocation (such as fidelity.) I’m not saying relationships should be one of total self sacrifice. I’m just saying be realistic- do you like doing the things you do? Or are you doing them simply to get a reaction from him?

So perhaps you need to decide- what are you doing in this relationship simply because you want to, and what are you doing in this relationship in the hopes that he will reward you for it? Decide if the balance is one you are happy with. As for the stuff you want a reward/ reciprocation for, but aren’t getting one for, is it worthy of continuing to do, even without that reciprocation?

There are ungrateful jerks who aren’t ready for a good partner out there. I don’t know whether that is your boyfriend or not. In the meantime though, you might as well figure out whether you like the things you’re doing in this relationship.

As for the woman facing divorce. ::Hugs:: I’ve never been married, so can’t really offer terribly much there. Hope things work out happily.