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You are giving me fruit for thought and i think i have to confess sometimes i am really nervous and people get on my nerves in a split second( whuch is usually not the case with me, but anyway).
You are maybe right about certain things, yet i wanna stress that i did that stupid drug(whuch utterly regret) only once! I drink so little that i can pass out after  a few drops of whiskey. So acting crazy is not linked to that kind of substances… but to the enormous amount if stress and lack if sleep. This guy that told me i am out of my mind the relationship with him did not end right away he spoke to me that way, but when he started calling me for money or help, or try to sell me more drugs or tell me a story how he sold weed to a young couple with an infant. That is why i stopped any contacts and i do not wanna keep him in my life.
I do not say that people cannot say that i am wrong or anything bad about me(whuch was actually all my life), but in the end of the day you want to surround yourself with people that you can share things and they not judge you that harshly. I do realise i make terribly stupid things and for which i suffor the consequences in my own.
Sorry again for being that aggressive to someone i bately know and at least can talk to. :/
Btw. Yoy quoted my words about how that warm guy talked not offending anyone- i do not seek such thing , yet after ge did this he seemed like a divine creature to me. I do try to speak the way he did that night, but it does not work out everytime i do. That us why i mentioned this. In my word, people nowadays can talk so much nasty things to you behind your bag, that i really aporeciate when someone tries not to.
Thanks for the reply, really thanks!
You have understood the story correctly except or the fact that that guy just “donated” me just an hour or so of his attention for having conversation which i we pribably should not-and i apologized to him several times for taking his time for my problems) i did not spend the while night talking or with him.
Well, I can definitely say that i don’t think he is using me, yet it seems far too goid to be that lucky to me. In my previous relationships i have been dumped either for other girls or for not being a trash for mental rubbish for the other part. Tgat is why it seems to good to be true. Plus, this man has so many people that he knows that he could have probably started going out with someobe else. Hiw I am supposed to know, anyway. He posts pics of himself at events and i cannot tell if he is with someone or not and if i message him to invite him somewhere i could get nyself in a really dull situation if he is seeing someone else, yet if he is not and i do not bother to invite i could miss the opportunity for being with him(not talking even for something serious ,but for just grabbing cup f coffee, fo example) and he would porbably feel really dumb for asking me to write to him when i am around so that we can meet.
Sorry, i am being really messy with my words, but that’s what is in my head right now.
I do not believe my mum’s words. I might think i am the problem…
To the answer I gave him when he asked what I wanna do at that moment at first I told nothing and then he continued with the dirty talk and I mentioned the baby so that he could come to the ground and realize that he is a father and get ashamed a little bit- but nooo, that ain’t happen. I am appalled and I really right now I wanna spit in the face of that man and feel sorry for my cousin. As far as she is concerned, I really don’t know what to expect from her and how to tell her- maybe she knows, maybe she doesn’t. What I forgot to mention is that they are constatly arguing about small things and this woman has been making a living for both him and her. That is gonna be pretty hard as we also don’t talk that much and are not that close to each other but anyways I really get troubled how I am gonna do this…
Well, I can only guess about her life and she can ónly guess what were my intentions of working there( in fact, she was the one that held the interview and I happened to share them with her), yet she did not… My life is not a fairytale, but I am not in search of putting down anyone in public- I did knew what that is before that happened to me- it is not the first time I am bullied, yet I have never heard so offensive words describing me…. And how about people that hurt other people repeatedly are motivated not by happiness, but by selfishness and desire to eliminate their “rivals” at any cost so that they can be the best without moving a finger- is that normal? Again I was treated badly and my mother used to tell me anytime she got the chance that she wished I was never born, but I don’t hate and bully others about that- it’s simply not their fault.
As for my sister-I confess that she was put through a lot of misery and had been crying her eyes out and I can only hope she is happy now cuz she seems to be. Anyway, with the coming of that present happiness of her she has become really cenceited and selfish, brutally selfish. Those traits of her are driving me crazy because I am mainly the victim of them and in front of the others she seems to sing another tune.
I have no such powers to say if a person is trustworthy or not. It seems I always make mistakes and it’s like my past lessons keep screwing me now and probably in the future. Plus, I either tell nothing, or tell a lot- which I can confess, is a real problem of mine and whatever of the two I do it seems that nobody is happy and always want more- to talk more or to keep my mouth shut more often.
Well, i was giving some random info about my personal life that i have never thought could be used against me. The thing is I am not dating anyone and the hateful colleague asked me if i was in a serious relationship and I said that i am not. Then she made herself the story that i have cone ti work there so that i can find a boyfriend and she did that in a very offensive way and probably i was there so that i can get myself a boyfriend in the face of the colleague that is protectibg me which is far from the truth. She was just jealous that her colleagues did not gave her the attebtion that she got before i started work there. Does that sound normal because to me it doesn’t.
Then she started making fun of my work and everything that do and say and categorized it as dull and worth nothing. How do I defend myself from soneone that is twice my age… then she will probably call the things I said as a sign of poor upbringing and distespect. And the thing is at first ahe was playing like the nice one when she talked to me in front of the other colleagues , but in face to face conversations she was more than rude.
Furthermore, I see no point talking to the boss right now cuz everything offensive to me heppened ib front of her , too and she was ok with it.
Then comes the part when i talk to my sister … I did that and I did not get the support i have been offering her since now. In fact, she started making fun of me, too. Now i am wondering what kind of info should i share with her for which she will not offend put me down…
I know what I can do and what i cannot and I see no point now that i have a talk with tge boss and say how i can be yhe next Albert Einstain and she will only mock me more. The worst is that the other collegues are prone to believe to the boss not to me when I say what i cannot do. These people have been playing with me as if i am a hot potato till now and I am somohowconvinced that if i get there abd talk what was the reason for my underproductive work the will only think that i am comng with a bunch of excuses. The sad thing is that I dreamed of working there and my dream have become my worst nightmare now. Besides, the fact that i am struggling with depression, lack of sleep and cobstant fatigue i had to face with my dad’ illness and all the cancer tests that he was put through as well as everybody saying that he could die the same month that i started my internship.
Given that, I think that i cannot stand people foolig me around and taking me as the clown at which they can laugh. I just thing that is not fair and if i step one more time in the office that will take the last parts of self-respect and cobfidence that i got(and i am bot like same people that got plenty of them).
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 