Thank you for responding. We talked today, and there was no shouting, just each saying what they felt. It was productive. I love him, and he loves me. I am 55 and for the first time ever, retirement seems like it’s closer since I turned 55. (My new age bracket is 55-64 on forms now!)

I asked him to sign a document (like a prenuptial agreement but after the fact/wedding) stating that our own things belong to the original owner in the case of a divorce. He agreed to do this. (My lawyer said this was one safety net for me.)

You’re right that this will keep spiraling in my head unless I have a feeling that I’ve protected myself. As I told Joe today, if I’d known that he didn’t own a house (no big deal for me) or have a job (this is a big deal) or any retirement money saved up at age 45 (big deal), I would have married him, BUT I would have gotten us to sign a prenuptial agreement.

Thank you for your words of wisdom. Very much appreciated… and I also appreciate this site a lot for letting me just say what I’ve said here.

Why do I seem extra agitated or concerned about money here (besides being 55)? I should also add that as a gay couple, we cannot get divorced in Florida because Florida does not recognize any same-sex marriages. This means that I in theory and in reality could have an indefinite legal tie and financial responsibility to Joe. In order for us to get a divorce in Massachusetts, one of us would have to move there and establish residency for a YEAR. (So you see why this gay marriage state by state patchwork situation is very problematic.)

Again, THANK YOU

• This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by Keith.