Thanks again.

I know exactly why he told me then that he wasn’t falling for me. He definitely thought I was because I used to get all hyped up whenever we met and I used to suggest meeting every other day and would text him often. He also said he dreamt almost every night that week us getting married and stuff and he just obviously freaked out.  But I told him that’s just how I am – very expressive – wasn’t really falling in love either.

I don’t think I am even now – I just don’t like this unclear situation and not understanding what’s going on.  That’s why I am seeking help here and talking to all my friends about it – I just want clarity. But obviously the only way to get it is to talk to him. But I don’t like such conversations because it’s hard for me to openly say everything I want to say in such situations…

But before limiting our relationship to just co workers/ friends I will talk about this with him openly, because there are things that he does and says that suggest he does care too. I will ask him how he sees this whole thing and how he feels about it.

And if he does care and says there might be something, I wouldn’t want to just cut it off without even taking a chance.  In this case I will tell him that I don’t want to force anything, but that I also want to stay honest with myself and if he feels somewhat similar I would like to take a chance and try be ‘more together’ because the way  it is right now is not really working for me anymore but I don’t want it all to end, because I like him and I like spending time with him and jeeeeezz is kissing him amazing!

And if he says ‘no’ and that he doesn’t see this ever going anywhere and is nowhere near feeling how I am, I will tell him that I am starting to care about this whole thing and about him a little too much to continue this casual-no commitment-no expectations thing and that we should stop it all and limit our relationship to just co workers/ friends before it gets too complicated to work together…

Either way I need to find out how he feels and I think this needs to move one direction or another and I feel that no matter which way it goes I will be better off anyway.

Maybe I would like it even more if we just stayed friends rather than started some more serious relationship… i really don’t want any of that pressure and expectations and complications of having a ‘serious relationship’…

Then, again – if I am really ok with staying just friends with him – I am starting to think that maybe I should just leave it as it is – being friends and also keeping the possibility of  having someone to hug and having at least some romance and warmth in my life – it is getting cold outside (and inside). Though I probably can’t do it without developing even deeper feelings and would still secretly hope that he will too… not the best idea after all…