I understand this feeling, and I opened up your post because of the title I was actually looking for answers myself. But after reading this I realized your answer was obvious… and could be my answer too.

You said “I want to find the purpose in my life for myself not for others.”

But what I think your subconscious was trying to explain… is that you need to find purpose in others. I have a feeling that you are disconnected with your energy, you know what energy I’m talking about, the glowing gut filled butterflies feeling you get when you know somethings right; I’m missing the same feeling in my life.

The answer is simple we need to share our energy with others in a positive way to create positive energy. In my own life I have realized I want something to find me but I know that will never happen, so I will have to go out and do some good in the world and see what comes from it. Good luck on your venture through the journey!

I’m no specialist obviously, but I hope my comparison helps you.

-Serena