It is in part due to the abandonment issues I’ve come to realize. I lost my mom about 10 years ago to cancer, and it was kept from me until 2 weeks before she passed away. I am the only child. My Father soon moved on to a woman closer to my age than his with two very young children, and I am currently not speaking to him for this reason. My 2 best friends are getting married. This guy was really something I was holding onto. I believed in him, and us, in a way that I just have never really believed in anyone before. No matter what we went through, we kept coming back to each other. Yet as described the cycle continued. Regardless I had faith in him as a person. That he was truly working on himself and he really would be with me in the end. I mean it’s also my fault for believing time after time, but its the only thing I thought I didn’t need concrete proof of. I really believed that he loved me.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by flyby.

I think that is a very valid way to think about my anger. I have only begun to really understand it.

The cycle had been a loosely defined relationship where I was ultimately isolated from his social world. He didn’t mention he had a girlfriend(s) and just led me on to believe there was a future, when clearly there was not. We grew up and were in love had the same friends for years, that fire never burned out, but after moving to New York City (unrelated to him but he was there), he began this selfish behavior. The hurt and shame that I experienced were things I consciously worked through and I fully got over the pain. Forgiveness, and insert the initial post.

That message in my head, you mention… that’s my Best friend and everyone else from home too. Recently I have accepted that I am a classic case of someone with abandonment issues, although nothing of major trauma. And you are correct, I should have no contact with him.

Interestingly enough the woman he just got after abandoning me with “i don’t deserve to be in your life. im not okay enough to be in a relationship right now”, well she’s a PsyD. so all I can hope for is he finds the forgiveness for himself.

Yes, this is someone i have been in love with since i was 15, and now im 35. Like i said, Ive walked away and moved on many times, only to forgive him when he made some improvements in himself.
Personally im okay with me and the past, but i guess he is not.

Maybe his idea of zen is just an excuse? I just dont understand the concept enough