hi Anita, Pearcehawk, & Dawn,

Thanks for your feedbacks. Appreciate them a lot.

I did went and meet up with him last week. It was..such a normal date. He didn’t seem angry or lose interest in me. He did seem busy though. Our date was dragged to an hour late, and he came and picked me up afterwards. I did mentioned to him about how my insecurities stem from the being of our relationship – not holding hands, no physical contacts, not much texting, so on and so forth.

He went on and rant about how he needed his own privacy at times, and he thinks I invaded into his life too much and too often that sometimes oversharing happens. I went on and told him that, I was a kind of person that do not normally hug or touch people but he is an exception because of course I wanted physical contact with him, or else he wouldn’t be my boyfriend. I told him as well, that I’m not a touchy kind of person but I’m learning to reduce that, but it seems that something is wrong because he’s not being cooperative. Well, that his answers to my doubts – that he is not such person. If there is a scale from 0 – being no physical contact at all to 10 – very much of physical contact, I would be at  4 and he will be at 2. This is what I see from our conversation last week.

Of course, I told him I need affirmations and all. Things like what boyfriends do. He told me he expected us to be in a relaxed and laid back relationship. What I can sum up is, there is no wrong and right with these two issues – having minimal physical contacts and a very much laid back one. But, if I am not such a person that can cope with this, I can try influencing him not to be so laidback and have more physical contacts. Say, I am too tired to handle with this, or I think that I deserve someone better someone who is always there for me, I can choose to end the relationship. But I am still willing to try this over as I really, really like him a lot. I cannot imagine dating anyone else.

As for the insecurities part – the constant stalking on social medias, I am happy to say that the habits have been reduced.  I can go on without texting him for one day, but I would need to hear from him after a day. I think this is perfectly NORMAL. If both of us can go on without texting / hearing from each other  for 2 days or more, then there is something wrong with the relationship. Maybe we are both too laidback in that case.

Please let me know your thoughts on these. Also, would like to hear on your thoughts, is there anything wrong with couples not saying “I love you” to each other? Or not flirting with each other? Because we are definitely behaving like two very good friends.

Dear Anita,

I could only think of the few reasons that could cause these:-

1) We are past the honeymoon phase. Currently we’re in stagnant phase.

2) He is still struggling in his career, hence he couldn’t pay too much attention to me. He applied for numerous jobs, one of them is his dreams- but he failed and currently stuck in a job he is not happy in but he has no choice as the job pays for his living.