Hello Lavender,
I am so sorry that you are in such pain.I send you warm hugs and positive energy.
You sound like a gentle soul who has been trampled upon by others. And it sounds to me like you are down in the dumps so to speak.
The only way now is UP. Please do not give up.
Your words reflect your state of mind. If you were my sister then this is the advise i would give her. It is not my intention to judge you…but just to offer you some new thoughts.

>It seems that right now you are wallowing in self pity. Yes you can grieve the past but not continue to live in it.Push forward.
There will ALWAYS be people who have it all, are much better off than you. Try not to compare yourself with others. It always will make you feel worse.You are a living breathing human with unique thoughts.There can be no one else like you!YOU ARE ENOUGH!

>Push the negative thoughts away.May be schedule a time period like say an hour a day, of allowing and acknowledging those thoughts then bundle them up and put them in the attic for another day. Make a list of what makes you happy. Try and do at least some of those activities daily.Especially when you start to feel down.Distract your mind.

>Be a part of something bigger than yourself. Be less interested in you,and more interested in the world around you.
Find some way to serve others less fortunate than you.Find like minded people.This will definitely help you find happiness.

>There is no blue print for life, no rules set in stone. No guarantees or promises.The only thing you can do is love yourself just the way you are.
……………………
PS: While typing this out I came across a very nice article on the subject we are discussing.I thought I would share the link with you.
http://markmanson.net/life-purpose#.ene14c:gl7E

love,
free soul