as I said in my other blog, I wont’ just dismiss my mother out of my life like she doesn’t exist. she does in fact suffer from a mental illness, is she harsh and toxic yes… no argument here, but the world as I said has many many people in it with mental illnesses and I work in a hospital with children who suffer from mental illnesses and it’s not right to abandon anyone just like that.. take steps back yes, pull away a little yes, but trash the person like yesterdays garbage no.. I’m sorry that’s not how it works Anita, people should not be dismissed like a day of school..

geez.. don’t know then, I am moving this year, but its still hard for me to process how and when my mother began to dislike me so much.. she was a stay at home mom and I had an excellent childhood; I know she needs to be medicated but that’s not going to happen. once I’m gone I’m gone but I still will keep these memories with me of the mean things she’s said to me, not to mention when I just had my son she physically attacked me after having a C-section she kicked me in my stomach 1st time she’s ever hit me in my entire life. i’ll never forget that or when she flat out told me she hates me wishes I were never born and called me a cunt bitch! I hope on her death bed she remembers it too.. if not i’ll remind her, maybe then she will be sorry! its hard for me, I don’t know how I finished college, got a full time job, great friends & cousins who support me, a great husband and two smart beautiful children! guess I’m lucky in a lot of ways..

in addition; my husband is so frustrated, I am literally afraid to go out because she blows up at me every single time.. otherwise she’s nice to me, she babysits my two children while I am at work, she cooks for me, she helps the kids w/ homework and will be fine.. anytime she has a trigger in her head its directed towards me, one of her triggers is when I go out w/ friends or family to dinner/ a movie/ anything at all she saying I am a terrible mom I don’t deserve my children I am a piece of shit, moms don’t go out, I go out too much.. its so hard I cannot wait to get my own place. she picks on my brother maybe 1 time a year however my brother picks on her very often, seems he has the same disease and they’re both home, my bro does not work; I believe she truly hates me, the sound of my voice cause her to break things in her room last night.. her episodes normally last 3-4 days then shes’ normal and nice again