There are terrific nuggets of wisdom and effective how-to insight provided by each of the posts responding to your inquiry. Keep putting yourself in situations where you can connect with people who meet your needs for being your true, best self.

The responses to your inquiry made me think more deeply about a list of self-study topics that represent some of the themes shown in each of the responses.

I’ve learned over time that I need to ensure first that I’m the type of person people want to connect with on a deep, personal level and in an authentic manner which actively demonstrates mutual trust and respect in all ways.

To become the type of person people want to connect with, I’ve consistently sought out growth and development, and then change and transformation, through self-study of the following topics:

– Elegance (i.e., how I interact with others via my behaviors)
– Mindfulness and Presence
– Mental/Emotional/Spiritual Intelligence
– Thoughtfulness and Action
– Behavioral Competencies
– Personal Core Values
– Self-Love
– Self-Actualization (see Abraham Maslow’s 12 characteristics)

It’s my personal core values that help me seek out and partner with the right people for me. I only seek relationships, whether platonic or non-platonic, which are mutually beneficial and make me greater based on being with someone who makes me stronger than I could ever be individually. Essentially, we’re much stronger together than we could ever be apart. I focus on quality over quantity and keep a small circle of close friends.

There’s a theory that “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” The theory isn’t meant to demean or discount others. It simply suggests that we need to ensure we always have the right, authentic people by our side to become the best version of ourselves. Smartness, talent, skills, station in life, or family bloodline don’t matter. Certain others will help determine how we think, how we act, and ultimately how successful we are at reaching a level of greatness and our true, best self.

I hope the journey to finding your true, best self and becoming your best version leads to a satisfying, happy, and fulfilling life.

Daring to be vulnerable in a public forum via thought-provoking and highly insightful writing defines you as a mature person who “gets it” regarding emotional self-improvement. Brava, well done!

I’m not a human behavioral expert nor do I know it all when it comes to developing and maintaining emotionally healthy relationships.

Nevertheless, I’ve learned much from both my platonic and romantic relationship experiences and know that it’s trust, and not love, that will result in an emotionally healthy relationship. Based on what you’ve written, you can’t trust your ex-boyfriend to consider your feelings and thoughts, or how his behaviors are damaging to your relationship. Love is never enough, especially when trust and respect aren’t present.

Your ex-boyfriend has done you a huge favor and revealed who he truly is at this point in his life (he can change, but when?). It’s a blessing that he has done so. Relationships end. Your relationship with him has run its course. You’ve outgrown your ex-boyfriend and should move on. There are too many implied key learnings I gleaned from your post to list them all here. I think you know what most of them are. These need to be the positives that you take away from this relationship to aid your own growth and development.

Both my high self-esteem and self-worth have been foundational to me achieving peace of mind when I struggle to forgive and forget after being treated poorly.

Your self-esteem is how you feel about yourself based on your actions. It’s what you have control over. It’s how you feel about yourself from the inside and what you manifest to the outside world. Your self-worth is more directly related to your overall feeling of importance and value in the world.

How do you feel about your own self-esteem and self-worth? I think you feel generally positive about these things. You like yourself enough and feel you add value to the world when you ask for self-improvement advice in a public forum. You want to do things differently, or better, so brava, well done again.

Other responses here have provided terrific nuggets of wisdom regarding how to move forward productively. In addition, I would say to source the many helpful articles on this website related to forgiveness, how to forget, and then how to move on.

“The failure is not in falling down, it’s in failing to get up.” Get up, forgive yourself first for any negative feelings you’ve had, or words/actions you’ve directed at your ex-boyfriend. You’re human and like each of us, you’ll always be a work in progress (the day you stop learning is the day you die). Likewise, forgive your ex-boyfriend because he’s human too, and like the rest of us, he will always be a work in progress.

At a minimum, every human being, regardless of her/his place in this world, deserves to be treated with grace, kindness, and respect. President John Kennedy once said “Civility is not a sign of weakness.” That you choose civility or “peace and no confrontation” is admirable. That your ex-boyfriend repeatedly failed to extend grace/kindness/respect to you is cause enough to question why he’s worth your productive time. He’s not worth your productive time. You deserve much better and it’s not egotistical to think so.

I hope you find a man worthy of you, and that you both rock each other’s world.

I’m sending good thoughts your way for great health, happiness, and peace.

All the best to you.