Hi Jazg,
I understand what you’re saying.
I was asking for specific information, for instance, how did you feel about yourself and life when the health problems were there and when they were gone?
If I read it correctly, it seems like your reply was just an attempt to get compassion. Sorry if that offends you. I really do have compassion.
To me, it seems like you believe that you’ve never had a loving, kind and supportive partner, and that’s where the health problems and some of your choices have come from. And that’s probably why you stayed in that relationship, because you believed that at least you had connection.