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    Hi Peter. Thank you for your reply. I am inspired by some of your claims, and I think these inspirations will have a butterfly effect in my life. I do need to learn to trust myself, and stop trying to push anything to the extreme.

    I do have a disagreement though. Correct me if this is a straw man fallacy, but I think you implies that a healthy relationship should not pose any restriction on the other party. I do not agree with this Pareto efficiency argument.

    Everyone has some predisposed belief that cannot be changed without great cost. It is practically impossible to find a pair of lovers who have exactly the same belief. So there must be times that they face conflict of belief and conflict of interest.

    Because communication and empathy does not give perfect information about how one’s counterpart feels, people are acting more of less based on their own judgment and interest. As a result of this inevitable self-interest and conflict of interest, there will be circumstances where one’s motivation and behavior will cause harm to the other. Given the existence of such circumstances, total freedom should not be allowed, because it will necessarily implies the exploitation of the weak.

    But still thank you for your reply, Peter. It is a very big issue for my life, and I really appreciate your comment.


    Hello Anita,

    Thank you for your reply. Your reply made me felt a lot better, because I obtain the social proof for my negative emotions.

    I have not seen my girlfriend for another 2 weeks and we refrained from discussing this issue. I tried to calm myself down and re-think the entire problem.

    I think my girlfriend is not a lier. She really put in a lot of effort trying to make it transparent. Her decisions aside, I think I can at least say that I am making decisions based on complete information.

    I think I might give it another try by getting to know Joe a bit more. If I get to know Joe and trust him, maybe I will not look at this as a potential affair, but accept their way of interaction. They are working with me too. They are changing how they interact.

    If it does not work out, then I will be very sad. I will hope that they found someone who can accept this, and we three will live happily. But yeah, life is tough and one has to take the trade-offs.

    Thank you again for your message Anita. I really appreciate it.

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