Hi

I am a female in my early 30’s and can totally relate. Before I met my boyfriend, I thought I would be alone forever. I could not stand the boring conversations with most of the people I met. I was looking for someone who was curious about the world and liked to learn. Where I’m from…it was nearly impossible. Unfortunately, when I was young, I presented myself outwardly, as a girl who just wanted to have a good time, but inside I was screaming for something more substantial. This led to lots of 1st dates but rarely any 2nd dates.

I got so fed up one day I said “I’m done.”  No more dating, sex, or men….for a while. I meant it. With this new mentality, I stopped worrying about meeting my “soul mate.” I started having better conversations with people because I no longer had any expectations. I was able to be myself because I didn’t care what the other person thought about me. During that time I focused on myself. I did the things I wanted to do, it was such an amazing feeling of freedom. The first month or 2 was a little tough, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed. About nine months later, while at a party, I met someone and again had no intentions of anything happening but I found him pretty interesting and different from anyone I had previously met. He made an impression but we didn’t exchange information. Over the next two weeks, we kept bumping into each other and eventually I realized, I liked him and to my surprise, he liked me… for me. I was being myself and he didn’t have any complaints. The whole experience made me a much more confident and authentic person, which in turn attracts people who are of the same mindset. I’m not a religious person or anything, but I do think that everything worked out like it did, for a reason.

When I read your post, I instantly thought this guy is not like everybody else. The fact that you’re aware of what is missing and what you want, speaks volumes. I hope the IED talk was just that, because that is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know it feels like at 26 you should have a girlfriend but FUCK THAT. I think people are just becoming who they are around that age. We change a lot in our lives and maybe the girl you were looking for at 21 is different from the woman you’re looking for today?

I could sugar coat this last part, but that wouldn’t help the situation. Self pity is a horrible thing. I speak from experience. I don’t know if you realize but  it might have come across to the women you’ve talked to? Even if you’re not blatantly saying “I feel sorry for myself”  some of the phrases you used in your post, give off that vibe. When I started excepting my circumstances, I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I tried to be more optimistic. Most women or people in general want to be around someone who is positive. Imagine hanging out with someone who has no excitement for the future?   The future hasn’t happened yet so why be  negative about it. If you want it to be amazing….it will be. You really are in control of it.  It’s all about perspective. Please trust me on this…I’ve gone through some horrific things in my life, things that the old me, would have never gotten through, but I changed my outlook and my life has become so much better.  By the way, stop surrounding yourself with shallow people.Its obvious there’s more to you than money. BTW Leave the theory’s of your college friends where they belong… in college.

I hope something in my response helped, even a tiny bit. Good Luck either way.

Don’t give up on yourself, you’re just getting to the good part.

D