i’m so sorry you’re going through something so similar. It really is such a hard and confusing time. My boyfriend kind of admitted he needed to work on himself but then texted me later ( i think just lashing out) saying he was fine. I’m trying to think logically though and remember that he is most likely not fine. As i know his recent behavior is not healthy at all. But its hard to not start doubting that. I hope you are doing okay and get through this as well!

I also wanted to add something about when we would argue/ when i would be upset about something. Whenever I would get upset about something, even if it wasn’t a huge deal, he would as I said go straight to just blaming himself and say he is the worst. but he would also often times hit himself in the head, really hard, over and over. I know this is not healthy. And i am so upset at myself for not telling someone about this – but i didn’t know what to do i guess. But anyways, he would do that, sometimes hit the wall or throw things ( not at me) and would lock himself in another room where I could not get to him. At one point ( I don’t remember what the problem was) he began to hold his breath for long periods of time, to the point where it seemed he would be close to passing out. All of this happened when me, or someone else in his life, was upset at him. Even as I’m writing this i’m feeling so horrible about not letting someone know this was happening, because i know how unhealthy it is that he is doing this. but i felt it might explain the situation more, so I wanted to mention that.

I didn’t overreact in this case. I think what would happen was he was just making a problem out of nothing, and then I would get kind of frustrated. Or I felt like instead of focusing on the main problem, or the thing I was upset about, he would turn it in to “ oh I’m just the worst” which made it hard to really get all of my feelings out there.

We didn’t really argue that much in general. It was never over anything big. Just little disagreements I guess I would call them. Most of the time it was one of us overreacting to something the other one said, or interpreting it the wrong way, or one of us would be feeling insecure about something. And we never yelled at each other, put each other down or anything like that. We would both explain what we were feeling and then resolve it in a timely manner. He said he felt that we weren’t resolving things and were arguing over the same thing, which i’m not really sure what he’s referring to. A lot of the time they would turn into a bigger deal because he would react by saying “I’m just the worst” or “you should just break up with me because I’m shitty and you shouldn’t settle for that” which would then make me more frustrated because I never said any of those things, and that’s not what I wanted. So I guess that was one of the main things we would argue about. Not even the thing that upset us in the first place – but how he would react to it.