Hello Melody:

Having been where you are, and come out from it with happiness and joy, I can feel much compassion for your position.

I found that seeking to fill what “I” want was at the very crux of the issue. The most important question is/was what does God want? I really love what Matt had to say about sculpting-that is so beautiful and true- and just as it does no good to imagine sculpting when you are holding a paintbrush, it is also unhelpful to pursue that which is not part of God’s purpose and plan for your life. Yes. He will allow us to use our free will, and it may feel great for awhile- but we may find ourselves out of line with His best. And His best will NEVER contradict His word. Living the surrendered life is all a part of the Christian way of life. We both know what The Word says about marriage and covenants. Ask Him to help you and He will. He is faithful.

So, rather than pursue this pain, remember Romans 12:2 ” Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” This was very powerful for me- as was knowing that when we sow a thought, we can reap an action. We can discipline our minds with God’s gentle truths. We can think our thoughts on purpose.

Meditate on this truth:
Philippians 4:8
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

May God bless you on your journey.

Lori