Hi Ana,

I’ve been reading Tiny Buddha for ages now but have never written until now. I don’t have any advice, but I commiserate with you. I am a European (Polish) woman and I’ve dated a few Indian men, both in India (I was living there) and in Poland. It sounds like you have a really difficult situation. I understand that you want to honor his wishes to live with his family. But yes, we cannot change who we are and what makes us comfortable. We are European and we’ve been raised to be independent and to value privacy, especially at home with our partners. Many modern Indians live like this too now, but yes, many traditional families still like to live deeply intertwined with each other.

I hate to say this, but I wonder if you could play the “lover” card, and explain that if he wants to be with a European woman, he will have to make space for her needs, especially if she moves to his country. It is NOT too much to ask that you both live in your own home down the road, or a short distance away. His family may be appalled but he could smooth it over by still being a sweet and present son.

On the other hand, if his parents are quite modern and would essentially give you two your own apartment and keep maids and cooks so there would be no pressure on you, I think it could be okay. I had one quite modern and independent Indian friend who lived with her boyfriend’s family but it was a very relaxed space. It was more like they were flatmates in a large flat and only saw each other when they cared to.

I’d say, stay true to yourself, be honest about what you need to be happy and fulfilled. And then explain it to him. Wishing you all the best <3