I would just like to firstly state how greatful I am for all of your advices. I actually never thought anybody would even respond. This is an amazing site. I am so greatful, thank you.

Meander, I feel somewhat like an embarresment. I don’t like being a problem so I don’t have the balls to say that this secret of ours isn’t sitting right with me because he once mentioned that girls always end up wanting more and I guess I just want to be different. Yeah, it kinda hurts.

Anita, the second statement was EXACTLY what I heard! Almost like he was saying he feels sorry for whoever is going to marry me. Does that mean I have an insecurity issue? Maybe I should stop being so sensitive, why are humans so complicated?

Inky, you just scared the day lights out of me. I realise that and honestly ibdont know what I got myself into. But I really do care for him and I’m attempting to take itvas easy as possible. I think I should have a talk with him about us being open, that way we won’t have to sneak around like teenagers. I just hope that doesn’t push him away. I should just admit it to him shouldn’t I? I’d really like to fix myself so that I know what I want and be in control of myself and the situation so that I may be able to take whatever it is he has to say about it. Mindfulness, that’s another book I need to find. Thank you, inky.

And then came Eliana, who just made me break down into a river of tears. I really don’t like that I have this problem its funny how I’m not even edgy or easily angered to anyone else except for a person I really love and my mom. I snap at my mom a lot and I don’t even feel bad about it. I love her to bits but she left me bare. She was money hungry, she was never home. She married my step dad and hes son came to live with us and boy did that boy have me. He hit me and molested me every chance he got, he made me clean the house and mop twice so it looked like he did it. I was a sweet fearful girl I couldn’t tell anyone I thought itbwas my fault. My mom, she would literally sneak out in the mornings so I don’t hear her when she leaves. She once shut the door in my face. Shed yell at me for the smallest things as if she hated NY existence. I always knew my dad wasn’t my real dad, we never had any bond. My real dad passed away when I was young, I only found out for real when i was about 9, I found a picture of him and I look just like him. My childhood was horrible. I was alone. It was so bad and i would give anything to heal myself so I’m gonna do exactly what you’re telling me to do, starting with that book and then a proper psychotherapist. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Thank you so much, you have no idea how much I appreciate the support. Thank you all so much