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Jana 🪷

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  • November 24, 2024 at 5:33 am in reply to: I did the right thing at the wrong time, how to forgive myself? #439640
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    Hello Beni,

    I believe so. We are human beings. We want to fit in society but we often forget about ourselves.

    If you want to, you can be more specific.

    What is your story? 🙂

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 24, 2024 at 1:04 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439639
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    I continue with my journal …

    I don’t want to get rid of my introversion and sensitivity (and I don’t think it is possible). On the one hand I enjoy being introvert a lot. I love being alone only with animals, in the woods, in the meadows and tops of the hills. I feel strong connection to nature. It is my world, my healing… spiritual and physical too. (I actually use a lot of herbs for many illnesses and troubles… I’ve never had antibiotics in my life.) I am happy that thanks to my sensitivity I can feel a lot of beautiful and beneficial things around me: smells, sounds, sights, … I can tell the difference between a cat and a dog with closed eyes just by the smell. 🙂 There are many old pines around our house and I love their smell, especially when the sun heats them a lot in the summer, they produce very comforting scent. I like meditating listening to the wind and birds singing around… And I could write on and on and on… I also enjoy just my presence. I like being only with myself because I am peaceful and calm and I am very happy and joyful inside most of my time alone.
     
    But on the other hand, I know that it is a stumbling block when it comes to contact with people. I am like a sponge. I absorb the energies around a lot… and I absorb people’s energies and moods, as well. And when people are stressed, angry, upset, … that’s when I feel the fear of them…
    I have troubles when my boyfriend comes home and he needs to unburden to me. When he really gets into an unpleasant situation from work and gets a little bit angry because of some managers etc., I start to feel uncomfortable and have a need to “detach” (which means that I usually stop listening carefully and I am somewhere else in my head, if you know what I mean) … I can literally feel my energy waning and I get tired and I feel stressed a little bit. He would never ever hurt me. And he knows this about me and he tries to be more attentive. 
     
    I absord his energy in other situations, too. When he is a bit nervous in a car, when he is grumpy when he cannot smoke (he is a smoker), when he doesn’t feel comfortable in a group of people or when he is sick… I mean, I am grateful for this, too. It is a positive thing in a relationship. But I need to find some strategies to control my “absorbing”…
     
    The biggest problem is with stragers. When they have a very strong energy, such as anger, and they are also loud and dominant, it is really overwhelming for me. And this is the fear… this is the situation when I feel the fear of people… I am not afraid of people as such but rather their negative energies which get into me. After absorbing anger etc., I feel confused… because it is not my feeling… but the effect is in me… I need to work on this.

    (written on Nov 24, at 10:04)

     

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 24, 2024 at 12:57 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439638
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    It is a good idea. It is true that it is a bit annoying. You prepare your post, you take your precious time to look up information, sort out and write down your thoughts and you look forward to getting some replies. And then your post is awaiting moderation and it has been many hours (more than a week in case of one of my posts) and you still have no information. Was it deleted? If so, why? Is it still waiting? Hmmmmmm…

    (Nov 24, 9:57)

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 23, 2024 at 11:45 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439625
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    My posts here are again “awaiting moderation”. It has been many hours since I sent them. I included a picture and two links. Maybe I shouldn’t continue posting here because I need to express myself more with emojis, pics, inspirational links and it is obviously a huge problem. It is demotivating for me.

     

    I wanted to explain EFT for you which is not possible without a picture……

     

    Maybe by e-mail?

     

    This was sent on Nov 23, at 20:45 in Czechia.

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 21, 2024 at 7:02 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439581
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    – A Message to Those Who Love Me –

    I thought I could write a message to my beloved here… not to forget how important they are to me. And mainly, to become more mindful about them and take better care of their needs.

    My boyfriend
    I am very happy and lucky that I have a supportive and loving partner. Your life wasn’t easy. (life in poverty, beatings, hunger, no friends… car accident and days in a coma, cancer and hard chemotherapy treatment) You know mental and physical pain all too well. Still, you never gave up… you never grew bitter. You are strong, stable and open-hearted. I am proud of you and I have so much to learn from you. I am so happy that after almost 9 years together you still care so much about me, give me so much energy and love…

    I promise that from now on, I will be more mindful and I will… :

    • ask you if you are okay (because you always ask me)
    • ask you if you need my help
    • tell you that you look handsome (and not just think about it)
    • listen to you more carefully when you need to talk about your troubles from work (because you work so hard for both of us)
    • accept you when you need my physical presence (and not say “wait” or “later”)

    ❤️

    Our dog

    When you had tetanus in March this year, I was so heartbroken I could lose you. I’ll never forget how you couldn’t move because your legs became stiff by tetanus… and you tried so hard to fetch me your favourite ball… 😢 ❤️ And you survived and I started to live normal again… as if nothing happened… You have taught me so much so far.

    I promise that from now on, I will be more mindful and I will… :

    • spend more time with you (and not with the computer) when I have free time
    • be more patient with you when you are bad at other dogs
    • train you and teach you things more often
    • let you kiss our cat more often (I know you love her)
    • play fetch with your favourite ball more often
    • not ignore you when you call me (and I am at my computer doing nothing important….)

    Our cat

    You are the wisest of us all. Buddha cat. My little tiger. I need to be more aware of your presence. And not to take you for granted.

    I promise that from now on, I will be more mindful and I will… :

    • stay in the hall where you eat your breakfast and drink my morning coffee with you (and not at the computer)
    • let you in when you want to be with me and watch me brushing my teeth
    • play with you more often (I’ll buy toys for you)
    • HUG YOU AND KISS YOU MORE

     

    From now, I’ll take better care of you all. ❤️

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 21, 2024 at 1:26 am in reply to: Karmic relationships #439574
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    That’s sweet. I love animals and I don’t think that they are on a lower level than we are.

    I read this thought: “The doctrine of karma implies that souls are reborn as animals because of past misdeeds. Being reborn as an animal is a serious spiritual setback. (…) Because non-human animals can’t engage in conscious acts of self-improvement they can’t improve their karmic status, and their souls must continue to be reborn as animals until their bad karma is exhausted.”

    I love this idea much more:

    Buddhists see human and non-human animals as closely related:

    • both have Buddha-nature
    • both have the possibility of becoming perfectly enlightened
    • a soul may be reborn either in a human body or in the body of a non-human animal

    I do respect animals. I’ve always had a close relationship with them. And even though I don’t call myself vegeterian (because when somebody offers meat to me for lunch/dinner, I accept it.), I don’t like eating meat. It feels bad. It is not good for my health (the quality of meat is not good). It is not good for my sprituality. But this is strictly my subjective feeling and I don’t discuss it with anyone. (people in Czechia usually don’t understand this)

    I’ll look more into Jakatas. I can see now that it is also mentioned in the article about karmic relationships you recommended earlier.

    Have a great day!

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 20, 2024 at 11:14 pm in reply to: Fear, Anxiety and Healing #439573
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    I hope that you have a great day. It started to snow here. ❄️ 🙂

    I am glad that you are happy in the US. Can I ask – do you have someone who can support and protect you? Boyfriend, close friends, colleagues, …? I mean, someone who treats you kindly today.

    EFT is great. I am still using it for example when I have some little pain or worries about my work. I learned the version by Gary Craig, but today you can find tens of people who teach it online on youtube.

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 20, 2024 at 11:01 pm in reply to: Working on stuff #439572
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    Hello Helcat,

    I believe some separation from loved ones can be useful in tough times. You can process your thought in peace.

    I wanted to ask if you have someone who could support you? I remember that the relationship with your partrner’s family is not perfect and unfortunately from your journal I can see that your mother isn’t helpful, either. What about friends, siblings?

    And has your cat come back home? 🐱

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 20, 2024 at 10:19 pm in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439571
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    thank you for your insight. It helped me to think about it.

    I understand that you imply that I put myself in the fawn role. It might be true (?), but I am getting better.

    • I never tried to please her. I was willing to spend some time with her and keep her good company, but I tried hard to change her negative thinking. I never agreed with anything negative she said. I corrected her when she gossiped others and I simply said that I had to leave when she didn’t stop her behaviour. Actually, I tried to show her thousand times that if she keeps being like that, I wouldn’t be in her company anymore. I also tried to show her that her negativity and sudden shifts between excessive melancholy and agressiveness might be the reason why her ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, son and brother left her… I wanted to support her, not to please her.
    • I do want to avoid conflicts but I know they are neccessary. The fact is that conflicts can be solved reasonably and calmly. This is why I didn’t agree with the other neighbour who fight against the landfill site here. Her way of solving conflicts includes arguing, creating drama, exerting pressure on others, manipulating others to fight for her side… that’s not for me. I want to solve conflicts, problems (if they exist) but as a reasonable and wise person. I don’t want to fall into this manipulation of others… or being a drama queen.
    • I am willing to make sacrifice for people I love because they do not exploit me.

     

    This is a note for me to remember / come back later to:

    – My Fear of People –

    What I find important is that I am able to stay calm and reasonable in the situation of conflict and I can solve it properly, but the problem is that I am troubled after the conflict. That’s what I need to work on. Now, after some introspection I think that it might be actually connected to my introversion… my “hangover” after intense contact.

    I am afraid of people who are manipulative, who try to exert power and control over me by explaining how bad and wrong I am. This is the childhood trigger (thank you, Helcat). I have been always bad, wrong, strange for others = feelings of being “outcast”

    I am more aware of theese poeple now. I know how to “detect” them = I need to listen to my instincs and feelings again. It is not true that others “know better” than me. I am more mindful about my feelings. There is still big contrast between my introversion, calm personality (which I actually really like and enjoy) vs expectation of these manipulative people. I don’t write “vs expectation of society” on purpose, because there are people who like me.

    to do:
    I have to shift my focus from others and external things to:

    • my introversion
    • those who love me and I love them
    • mindfulness and meditation

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 20, 2024 at 6:37 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439548
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    Hello Helcat!

    Thank you for your post as always! 🙂

    “Do you think that she might have triggered some feelings from the past when you were bullied?”
    – Honestly, I don’t think so. Or at least I am not aware of that now. Luckily, I managed to solve most of my emotional wounds connected to my childhood when I was working on my social phobia during my twenties. I can think about the specific moments of pain, specific people, specific situations and I don’t feel anything anymore. I just know that it was difficult for me, but it doesn’t trigger any strong emotional response. (I remember when I started with EFT and social phobia… I tried to bring back memories from the first time when a boy literally put the boot in me and I could feel the horror, fear, pain, shock inside me… I cried a lot processing this and I shivered just thinking about it again. It took me long time to “swallow” that I was beaten that hard by boys… today it is just a fact for me, I don’t feel anything anymore…) but … this is like something “new”, not directly connected to my childhood. I don’t know now actually.

    I will come back later when I have more time and answer to you all more in your threads. Thank you for your support! And Helcat, be strong! I am thinking about you and your family. You will make it! It is just a test. ☀️

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 20, 2024 at 3:01 am in reply to: Animal totem #439544
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    Hello James,

    it appears that my post from Nov 16 will never be published. So I’ll write it again.

    Have you read any books written by Ted Andrews? I have a Czech translation “Lexikon zvířecí magie” but I am not sure which book it is in original English version. I can see that he wrote many of them and all seem to be very similar. This book is great and you can find there what you are looking for: a list of animals from insects, birds to big mammals, information about their lives, how you can track them, rituals, symbolism, totems and various execises how to connect with nature and animals. I really liked this book and I want to read it again soon.

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 20, 2024 at 12:00 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439539
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    – My Fear of People –

    Yesterday, I went to throw away plastic waste and met one old neighbour. She’s a 70-year-old lady who I had tried to make friends with for about 5 years. In the end I politely asked her not to contact us anymore after she verbally attacked my boyfriend.

    I was confronted by her yesterday that I couldn’t leave the plastic bag outside the full trash bin when the forecast said that it was going to be very windy. I secured the bag and told her not to worry. She carried on with her outburst of anger. (her typical behaviour) I wished her a nice day and left with a smile.

    I’ll make my notes of feelings here to remember what I need to work on.

    • I automatically feel that I am the bad one
    • I feel guilty
    • I can keep my calm in the situation but after I take it home and think about it and I do feel fear of her
    • it affects me and now I don’t want to go anywhere I could meet her –> I am restricting my freedom to move freely here in the village
    • I hesitated to tell my partner who obviously felt that I wasn’t all right and wanted to give me comfort because I felt stupid and ashamed of being so weak

    So much to work on.

    Also, I need to make notes about the relationship with this lady because I feel that my tendencies were wrong all along. And I need to write it down here to remember that I must never put myself in this situation again.

    • I knew that there was something wrong about her since the day number one and I was highly cautious around her… like my instincts were all on alert: “Be careful.”
    • Still, I didn’t listen to my instincts and feelings but I told myself: “I should be more compassionate… I should help…”
    • I ignored the warnings of other neighbours who told us that this lady isn’t someone we should trust. I told myself: “I shouldn’t judge.”
    • I didn’t see the red flags, when she:
    • was constantly very negative about others (and she was even more negative and loud when I tried to guide her to be more positive or at least neutral about others)
    • gossiped others
    • was “watching” all the time – she knew and wanted to know everything we did (I felt uncomfortable… as if I was under the watchful eye all the time)
    • was critical all the time – anything we did or didn’t do was simply wrong
    • blamed me for everything… for how I raised and trained our dog, for not being active and sociable, for not answering her phone when I was working… simply for everything and anything…
    • didn’t like my boyfriend (because he can be brutally honest and he’s not afraid to put her in her place)
    • I was afraid of her – or her unpredictable choleric nature – and I actually maintained the relationship with her out of fear and some false sense of being helpful (I really believed that I could help her to see the world more positively and that my company could make her happier) and not affection
    • I was so happy and relieved when I finally get rid of her

    I need to remember this. I am more mindful about it now. I won’t take care of anyone like this anymore. I can’t and I shouldn’t. I’ll take care of those who need me and want to be with me … and I have them in front of me everyday and I just let myself carry away because of this fear of these toxic people. I need to fix it for good. And I need to trust my feelings and instincts again (they were always right!)

    (written on Nov 20, 2024 at 9:00)

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 19, 2024 at 7:13 am in reply to: ☀️ 🪷 #439501
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    Thank you, Anita, for your support and inspiration. ☀️ I’ll continue with my thoughts soon. (It might take some time because most of my posts are delayed because of the process of approval… I sent one simple post three days back and it’s been still waiting for that approval… It’s a bit frustrating, honestly. 😄 )

    (Nov 19, 12:38)

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 19, 2024 at 4:40 am in reply to: Fear, Anxiety and Healing #439504
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    I finished reading the seventh page of your journal, so I know where you are from now. 🙂 I still think that you are brave. I am sorry for your sister and her son (I hope that they found courage and ran away, too.), but you did a good thing. And I am happy that you managed to cut her off. The healing is a long process and you are on a good way!  By the way, do you like your life in the US? Did you ever experience so called cultural shock there?

    When I used EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to heal my social phobia, I found and “repaired” a lot of emotional wounds connected to my mother, too.  She is a good person, we had everything we needed – food, clothes, … and mostly what we wanted – toys etc., but she was emotionally detached (was emotinally detached from me, but still is from my older siblings), moody and can’t face problems, so she pretends that there are no problems. (for example, my older brother’s alcoholism)

    So, you know why I don’t drink alcohol. Alcoholism was an issue in our family – my father was addicted to alcohol, but he has been sober more than 35 years (he stopped drinking before/sometime around the time when I was born. I was actually very surprised when my mom told me that he used to drink, because he is a very wise man… I just can’t imagine him drinking alcohol.), but his aunt and cousin were alcoholics, too…. and my older brother still is, but it is “open secret”. So, I knew that I had some predispositions to alcoholism and mainly I was just solving my problems with it, which of course was wrong. However, I don’t mind people drinking… I don’t judge. If someone likes it (and has control over it), it is OK for me. 🙂

    I hope you are having a great day!

    (Nov 19, 13:40)

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 19, 2024 at 3:50 am in reply to: Working on stuff #439503
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    Hello Helcat,

    and are you sure that he lied to you? What if he didn’t want to make you more worried in this hard and sensitive period of your life?

    I am glad that things are getting better!

    ☀️ 🪷

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